It's Not Just You
by aloneinmymindwithghosts
Summary: Okay. The turtles are human. And they're in high school. That's pretty much it. I don't know. I would like you to welcome my OC, Leaf. Please review. I know it sucks but enjoy anyway. (Internally dies of social awkwardness.) I DON'T OWN TMNT IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM. MAY BE TRIGGERING. Formerly called 'TMNT Human AU' Based off of 2012 series.
1. Chapter 1

_Okay, so this is my first TMNT human fan fiction I've ever written, or even attempted writing. I hope you like it, I know it's bad, but please review._

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RAPH'S P.O.V.

Mikey's wavy dirty-blond hair falls over his bright blue eyes, his freckles standing out. "Come on, Raphie, wake up!"

I grunt, sweeping my spiky red-brown hair out of my face. "What do you want, Mikey? What time is it?" I rub my green eyes. Why do they hurt so much?

"You fell asleep studying," he says. "It's morning."

"S***!" I exclaim, standing up and cramming my books into my bag. "Where are Leo and Donnie?"

"Leo's showering and Donnie's trying to work on one of his projects before school. I made breakfast if you want," he offers.

"Sure." I ruffle his hair. "I'll be there in a minute. Just let me get dressed."

He smiles and dashes off to the kitchen just as my other younger brother emerges from his room. Donnie's dark brown hair lay flat on his head, a little too long to be cool, and the hair on the back of his neck is wavier than Mikey's. His black glasses are slightly crooked on his face.

"Hey, nerd," I call, slinging my bag over my shoulder. My jeans and shirt are a little tight; I must be growing again. "What's up?" His red-brown eyes look tired, though not from studying.

"I'm almost done with the coding on the robot," he says, smiling and showing the gap in his teeth. "You know, for robotics club?"

"Yeah, sure. Sounds cool," I say, not really paying attention. Mikey hands me an omelet with salami in it, my favorite, and Donnie's has green peppers.

"Thanks, Mikey," Donnie says, smiling. The two of them are close, much closer than me and Leo, our oldest brother. I'm second in the age rankings, in eleventh grade. Leo is in twelfth, Donnie in tenth, and Mikey's in ninth.

Speaking of Leo, he's out of the shower and dressed in jeans and a T-shirt. His black hair is slightly wet and his dark blue eyes shone. "Hey, guys."

"Hi, bro!" Mikey exclaims. "I made a sausage omelet for you! And the black tea you like!" He slides them down the table and started eating his own. "Mm, pizza omelet. See! I put pepperoni and cheese in it!" He grins.

"Um, interesting," I say, stifling a laugh. Leave it to my brother to make a pizza omelet.

"And, Donnie," Mikey says, turning to my genius brother. "I told April you like her."

Donnie blushes, eyes narrowing and voice lowering dangerously. "You. Did. What?"

Mikey laughs, then screams as Donnie chases after him. His longer legs give him the advantage as he catches up to Mikey and pins him. "YOU ARE SO DEAD!" he yells, but I hear laughter under it.

I shake my head. "Wow, I can't believe Mikey actually did it. We never thought he would, did we Leo?"

He smiles. "No we didn't. You owe me ten dollars. Remember our bet," he says before I can protest, then turns to our younger brothers, breaking up their 'fight'. "Come on, guys!" Both of them are grinning, not hurt at all.

We pile into the car. Leo drives us to school and I drive back. It's a good arrangement, though Donnie can drive too but Mikey doesn't have his official license, just a learner's permit.

"Why do we have to go to school?" I groan. Donnie's drinking coffee out of a travel mug, even though he's more awake than usual due to his 'game' with Mikey.

"Raph, I've told you a million times-" Leo starts.

"Yeah, and I haven't listened a million times!" I shoot back and Mikey giggles. Leo sighs.

"Hey, Don," I say, turning around in my seat. He's reading a textbook. FOR FUN. What in the world is wrong with him?

"Yeah?" he says, turning the page.

"You might want to put the textbook away. We're almost at school, and do you remember the last time you went into school reading a textbook?" I warn, watching his face tense a little.

"Oh. Yeah. Okay." He slips it into his bag. No matter what, I will always look out for my little brothers. Even Mr. Nerd.

Leo pulls up. "Raph, no fighting today. Donnie, try to talk to someone else outside of your robot nerds. Mikey, don't throw water balloons at the teacher. Got it?"

I nod, but I probably won't follow his 'instructions'. He gives each of us one every school morning, and mine is always the same along with Donnie. Mikey… well it depends on what he did yesterday. Like hitting a teacher with a water balloon.

Donnie's definitely the shyest out of us, but the smartest too. Mikey is the most outgoing, I'm the hothead, and Leo is, well, Leo. The calm brother.

"Donnie," I say, pulling him aside as we walk into the building. I can still see the slightest bit of a bruise on his cheek. "If anyone messes with you, I'm here. Okay?"

"Yeah. Thanks, Raph," he says, smiling at me gratefully.

I head off to class after homeroom, which is just a bunch of crap. Science. Ugh.

I hate school, being trapped in a chair. I would rather be at the gym after school, or at one of my wrestling matches, or at the gym after school. I'm pretty active.

I will do anything to protect my brothers. Take a few hits, beat someone up, and done. But Donnie only has one class without me or Leo. Gym. He has it now, and, well, he's in a higher science class than me, so I have that now.

He's the one who needs protecting the most.

DONNIE'S P.O.V.

I walk nervously to gym after my homeroom, which I had with April, the most popular girl in school. She also happens to be my crush. This is the one class I have without a big brother to protect me. The class where people gang up on me the most.

I slip my backpack onto the bleachers. Justin is already there, lying in wait with Alex and Nico. Why do bullies always need a group of friends when they're picking on a single person? It really makes no sense.

I can do complex equations in my head, make robots, and make useful items out of everyday objects. So why can't I navigate social circles?

"Hey, nerd!" Justin yells, walking towards me. Oh, no no no no no. Not now! I just walked in. Can they at least wait a little bit?

He slams me into the wall. "Looks like your brothers aren't here to protect you." He can't quite manage to lift me off the ground, I'm too tall. "Little loser, friendless, nerdy freak. What are you going to do?"

"Well, first a nerd is an individual persecuted for their superior skills or intellect, most often by people who fear and/or envy them, so thank you. Second, I'm not a proctologist but I sure know an a**hole when I see one." Why am I mouthing off to him? Why? "And I don't need my brothers to protect me," I add, both of us knowing that it might be a lie.

He growls and cocks his fist back. He should know better. Me and my brothers will do anything to protect each other, especially Raph towards me. But I'm still scared.

If the first punch to my face stings, the second one burns. They crash into my cheek, at least the ones from Justin. The others jab me in the stomach and ribs, but mostly on my face.

I cry out, but just for a moment. Then I fight back. Sort of.

I wriggle out of his grasp, hitting the floor hard. I run around the track, thankful for my long legs and they chase after me as the teacher comes in. "Good start, Donatello!" he calls, unaware of what is actually happening.

I run as fast as I can in my gym clothes, shorts and a T-shirt. I am faster than them, but just barely. Suddenly, Justin is in front of me, both of us halfway around the track. He must have gone the other way.

I check the clock as they corner me. Leo usually comes in halfway through my period to check on me, but it's only been ten minutes. Twenty more…

The rest of the boy's gym class trickles in, most of them friends with Justin, the others friends with other people. No fellow nerds. The ones who are with Justin circle me while the rest just do their laps. I wish I could join them.

Justin grabs me by the neck. Mr. Seagulworth, the gym teacher, walks into his office. He's probably the worst teacher ever. He just trusts us to not beat each other up. He shouldn't.

He punches me in the mouth and blood runs down my lip. "Stop!" I shout, kneeing him in the stomach. Justin hisses. "What?" I say, furious. "Just leave me alone!"

"No!" he says, laughing. "Come on, let's have some fun." The next punch hits my shoulder, then my neck. I stagger.

"Stay away from my brother!" I know that voice anywhere.

Justin drops me immediately. "Hey, Raph."

"Don't 'Hey, Raph' me," he says, pulling his red-brown hair out of his eyes. Justin kicks me in the stomach and looks at Raph.

"He's all yours," he says, sniggering. I climb to my feet, just a little dizzy, wincing at the pain in my shoulder.

"Donnie, you okay?" Raph asks, concern in his green eyes.

"I'm fine, Raph. Just a little sore."

He scowls at me. "You call a black eye and a busted lip fine?"

I feel my face. My lip is split. "Okay, maybe a little beat up. Raph, I'm fine. I can deal with this." I drop my voice. "It's been happening for the past year. Ever since I got to high school."

Raph looks up at me. "You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Hey, do you have a hall pass?"

He snorts, holding one up. "Really? That's your main concern?"

I duck my head a little. "Come on, let's get you an ice pack." He shoves me into the office where I say I fell while running, a pretty lame excuse. Mr. Seagulworth sends me off without a second glance.

Raph looks at his watch. "I've been gone too long. You sure you're okay?"

I nod. "Thanks, big brother."

He grunts. "Yeah, whatever."

We part ways and I duck into the nurse's office. She hands me an ice pack and I just sit there. I wish I had a book, but I left my bag in the gym. I'll have to go back later.

Leo walks by, probably headed to the gym, but sees me. "Donnie!" he calls, running over to me. "What the heck happened?" He adjusts the ice pack so that it covers my eye better.

"It was only Justin and his friends. I'm fine, Leo." I'm really getting tired of my brothers treating me like a baby.

"Okay. Are you going to go back? Where's your bag?" He looks at me, worry in his blue eyes.

"My bag's in the gym, and no, I don't want to go back," I tell him. "I can't do anything right now anyway."

"Okay," Leo says, furrowing his brow. "Do you want me to get your bag for you? You can change out of your gym clothes too." I had forgotten I was wearing them.

"Yeah, that would be great Leo. Thank you." He merely smiles and walks off.

I don't know what I'm going to do when he's gone.

LEO'S P.O.V.

Donnie's bag is on top of the bleachers and I grab it, slinging it over my shoulder. I didn't have many classes as I have most of my credits. As a senior, none of the kids really mess with me or Raph. But they like to prey on Donnie and Mikey, though Donnie usually sticks up for Mikey. There was this one time Mikey was going to get stuffed in his locker (for admitting he liked school) and Donnie decided to take his place. Thankfully, Justin's pretty dumb and stuffed Donnie into Mikey's locker, even while Mikey was standing right outside and knew the code. Meatheads.

I sigh. A cool girl named Karai passes me and waves. I wave dorkishly back, admiring her hairstyle, short and black with blond highlights. I've had a crush on her since tenth grade.

I rush back to the nurse's office. "Here, Donnie," I say, handing him his backpack.

"Thanks, Leo," he says, gratitude shining out of his eyes. He goes to the bathroom to change and comes back in his regular clothes, gym shorts and shirt balled up in his fists. When he comes back, the first thing out of his mouth is a question. "Do you know if it's ever going to stop?"

Donnie rarely asks questions, he's the one who always answers them. This bullying is going too far. "I don't know, Donatello," I say, using his full name. "I just don't know." The bell rings. "Off to class," I tell him. He hands the ice pack back to the nurse. "Come on, we have English with Raph." We get to do independent reading books right now, and I'm in the middle of the Divergent trilogy; I'm on Insurgent. Then we have to write a paper about the book, so that's fun. We also have a vocabulary test and we have to finish A Tale of Two Cities. Donnie's already done with his book, Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind and our assigned book. Raph's done with the assigned one and is reading To Kill A Mockingbird. Surprising choice for him, but I'm not one to judge.

Karai is also in our class. I know some people make fun of her for how boyish she is, but I kind of like her. She's only a grade below me, in Raph's grade.

I open up my laptop to submit my book update to our teacher. My laptop is thankfully on silent mode as a message from Mikey comes in through our group chat.

hey dudes, i need to talk to you in art, it says.

Raph responds and I see his computer is open too. Did something happen?

Mikey, you okay? I ask.

i'm fine. something almost happened.

Okay. See you then, Donnie tells him. I gnaw on my lip, worried. What did Mikey mean by something almost happened to him?

The rest of class went by in a blur. Donnie, always meticulous, took careful notes while Raph tapped his foot impatiently. I paid attention, but nothing really stuck to me. I hoped Donnie would let me borrow his notes later.

The bell finally rang and we headed off to third period: art. We all had it together, so that was nice. It was an elective, and the only three others were April, Karai, and Shinigami.

I knew Mikey had a crush on Shinigami, who was from Japan and moved here in seventh grade. She wore all black and, when she could, an elaborate witch hat.

I got to work on my mini charms- katanas for me, sais for Raph, a bō staff for Donnie, and nunchucks for Mikey. Raph was making some kind of spike set to wear on his hands and Donnie was doing a wire sculpture. I hadn't seen Mikey's yet.

I walked over to him, peeking over his shoulder at the big drawing pad. On it was a sketch of the four of us, Mikey hogging a box of pizza and Raph trying to wrestle it from him, Donnie smiling as he tinkered with something in his hands, and me about to give Raph a noogie. It did so much more than just show us, it captured our very essences and personalities: Raph and Mikey's close relationship through their little arguments and games, Donnie's need to constantly be working on something, and the side of me that only came out with my brothers. The side that liked having fun.

"Mikey…" I breathed. "How did you do this?"

He looks up at me, confusion in his bright blue eyes. "Do what? Draw?"

"Yeah, and so well," I say, unable to bring my eyes off it. He shrugs.

"I don't know, it just comes to me," he says. The pencil in his left hand moves again, adding shading to the scene. "It's pretty easy, you know." I notice he isn't fidgeting like normal.

"Hey, Raph, Donnie, look at this!" I say, heart filling with pride at Mikey's drawing. They come over, having about the same reaction as me.

"Wow, Mikey," Donnie murmurs. Raph just stares, speechless.

"Dudes, you're kind of creeping me out! It's just a drawing," Mikey says.

"Well, it's really good," Raph tells him, still kind of in shock. I have to intervene before Mikey gets really freaked out. I mean, Raph is basically never impressed. With anything.

"So, what almost happened?" I ask, changing the subject.

Mikey looks at Donnie and changes the subject again. "D, what happened?"

"Gym happened," Donnie answers.

"Did you use any of the one-liners I gave you?" Mikey asks, looking strangely excited. I know he wants Donnie to be able to stick up for himself.

A hint of a smile plays at Donnie's face. "No, I came up with my own."

"Ooh! Let me hear them, pleeeeease!" Mikey begs.

Donnie rolls his eyes. "You're not going to stop asking until I do, right?"

Mikey smiles, then tries to hide it. "Please?"

"Okay."

"Yes!"

"So, as usual, Justin called me a nerd. It's getting kind of old, to be honest. But anyway, I said 'A nerd is an individual persecuted for their superior skills or intellect, most often by people who fear and envy them, so thank you. Second, I'm not a proctologist but I sure know an a**hole when I see one'." He looks at Mikey. "What do you think?"

Mikey's eyes look at Donnie's with admiration. "I don't know what a proctologist is but I love them!"

Donnie smiles a little. "Thanks."

"Nice ones, Don! The only problem is, only a nerd would know what a proctologist is," Raph says.

"Oh, and do you know what it is?" Donnie counters.

"Um… no?"

"You totally do." Donnie smirks.

"Guys!" I interrupt and turn to Mikey. "What almost happened?"

MIKEY'S P.O.V.

"Okay. So I was in music," I tell my older brothers. "And we're going to learn to play ukulele, which is pretty cool, but there was a problem."

"Which was?" Raph prompted.

"You guys know that I'm left-handed, so it felt really weird the hold the ukulele the 'normal' way, even though left-handed people do it too. And so I asked the teacher about it. She said that 'everyone holds the ukulele that way'." I look up at them. "I asked if we could restring it so that I could play it how I felt comfortable, but she said no. Now I'm never going to get good at it!" I felt tears pooling in my eyes.

Raph puts his hand on my shoulder. "Mikey, come on. Don't cry. We can figure something out."

Donnie's thinking already. "Ukuleles aren't expensive instruments, so we could probably buy one and restring it for you, Mikey."

"Wait, I'm not done!" I say. "And then Max, you know, the mean kid in my grade? Yeah, so he said that left-handed people are freaks and stupid. So I told him, 'Oh, really? And this is coming from you? So I'm guessing it's from experience'. Then he tried to beat me up, but the teacher intervened."

Raph is laughing now. "Good job, little brother!"

Leo is trying to hide the smirk on his face. "So you almost got beat up?"

I smile. "Yeah, but I got out of it."

Donnie just shakes his head and goes back to his project. Raph follows, but Leo stays for an extra moment. I look back at my drawing of the four of us and I see what Leo is talking about. It really does look like us.

"Hey, Mikey," Leo says. I look back him.

"Yeah?"

"Never stop doing this, okay?"

A huge smile spreads across my face. "Okay!"

Leo smiles too, taking a last look at the picture and then goes back to his project. I notice the other kids at the far end of the table. April's there, along with Karai and Shinigami. I think April's doing some kind of bracelet. Karai, I can see, is doing the same thing as Raph while Shinigami is sharpening something.

I add in shading to the drawing and thicken the lines around my brothers and me. It starts to spring to life in my hands, Raph getting that look of frustration and love on his face, Donnie's love of inventing, and Leo's fun side, the one where he just lets loose. But it's missing something. Dad. I frown. He should be in the picture, but where?

I can't figure out a place to put him without starting over, so I decide to give it to him when I'm done. The last thing I need to add is our masks.

Leo has a blue mask, Raph's is red, Donnie's is purple and I have a bright orange. We only wear them when we do our training. Ninja training.

I have gym next, and both Raph and Leo have warned me not to overdo it. They told me to 'stay in pace with everyone else', but what happens if they're going so slow I feel like I'm walking? Besides, when I was in middle school they didn't tell me anything! But, then again, that's probably because I was way worse back then. But now I've really picked up on my training.

Raph has gym with me. It's nice, but he's in a different section. At least he's there if I need him. I absentmindedly start erasing the small sketch lines and go over the outlines more thickly, but not too thick. Then the bell rings.

I pack up, putting the drawing in my art shelf and trot over to Raph. "You ready?" I ask.

"Yeah, whatever." He shrugs. "Come on."

"Do you know what really happened with Donnie this morning?" I ask. Raph was probably there.

"Yeah. It was Justin this time," Raph says. "Punks. Why do they have to keep beating on him?" He slams his fist into his hand.

"Well, they should learn not to mess with the Hamato family!" I say as we walk into the locker room to change.

Raph pulls off his shirt and I see the solid-packed muscle lining his stomach. We are the first ones here. "Yeah, they should. But I like hitting people. Especially after they hit you." That's his way of saying he'll protect us.

"Thanks, Raphie."

He smiles. "You're welcome."

Landon, one of my buddies, walks in. I'm dressed now and I high-five him as I follow Raph to the gym.

"You'll be okay, right?" Raph asks.

"I'll be fine," I tell him.

He walks over to his group, a bunch of bulky guys and a girl. I think it's Karai.

Landon walks out of the locker room. "Ready to kick butt?" he asks, smiling. I know he's fast, but I'm faster.

I smile. "Ready to kick your butt."

He laughs. "It is on!"


	2. Chapter 2

_Super thanks to Skye7Diamond for leaving me my first review! I really appreciate your support and will continue with this story. If anyone has ideas for what should happen, please tell me and I will consider it. Also, thanks to Guest who left me my second review! You have no idea how much it means to me that people are reading my stories and then taking the time to tell me what they thought. Thank you so much!_

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RAPH'S P.O.V.

I went over to my gym section after casting one last look at Mikey. Karai, that girl Leo had a crush on, was the only girl. Chase and Brendon were here, former friends of mine. They like picking on my younger brothers, just to tick me off.

"Okay, we're starting with pullups. Boys, do ten, Karai, you can do five," the coach says and I see her eyes narrow.

"What? Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I'm as strong as them?" she retorts. Coach just turns away.

I walk over to the bar. Karai is right behind me, seething. I know how she feels, especially to be singled out like that.

"Hey, Karai, can you show us your noodle arms?" Chase asks. Brendon sniggers.

"Oh, you want to see them?" Karai asks and punches both of them in the shoulders.

"OW!" Chase cries.

"What the f***?" Brendon exclaims.

"Want to keep playing?" she asks.

"NO!" they both yell, running over to the other pullup bar.

"Idiots," she mutters. I smirk and head up to the bar, doing my ten pullups and then five more, just to annoy her.

"Beat that," I tell her. She simply jumps up and does fifteen pullups too, not even breaking a sweat. I mean, I didn't, but she's a girl!

"WHOO!" The shout come from the other side of the gym. Mikey just beat Landon in a race again. I know he could go even faster than he did, but thankfully he held back. However, he is attracting a fair amount of attention right now. Mikey looks around, blushing, and then waves. I turn away from him, right after I send a brotherly glare his way.

Karai is watching me with a small smirk on her face. "Little brother?" she asks.

"Sure," I scoff, seeing the smile on her face grow even bigger. "Yeah, the thing is, Mikey's actually a robot made by Donnie and, um, sometimes his circut things,"- god, now I wish I actually understood some of that sciencey stuff now- "go a little wonky and he goes on a killing spree. So, ah, you might want to stay away from him." Hopefully she'll think I'm enough of a freak to go to the other side of the gym. Why won't she leave me alone?

Instead, she laughs. "Raphael, right?"

I shrug. "Yeah."

"GET OFF OF ME!" Chase suddenly yells.

Brendon has him on the ground, pinned by the shoulders. "You let us get beat by a girl!" he yells at him. "Weakling!"

"You cried first!"

"No I didn't!"

"Yes you did!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Boys!" Coach yells. "Both of you, to the office now!" Chase and Brendon both glare at each other on the way out, leaving the rest of us staring after them.

"All of you, drop down and give me twenty!" he yells at us and I see a small grin on Karai's face. The only problem is, this workout is giving me nothing. I can't wait to get out of school and train with my brothers, where I actually break a sweat and have fun.

The afternoon passes slowly, Donnie in all the rest of my classes. Then we're free!

I grab the car keys from my backpack and jam them into the ignition as soon as I get to the car. Mikey and Donnie are walking together, Mikey telling Donnie some story animatedly, waving his arms around. Leo's already leaning against the car, waiting for us.

"...and then a giant rhino came out with a warthog!" Mikey said, eyes wide as he slips into the back with Donnie. "Can you believe it?"

Donnie smiles a little bit. "No, Mikey."

"Oh! Raph! I have a cooking contest after school tomorrow, so if you could take me…" Mikey says.

"Hey, my prelim robotics competition is there too," Donnie adds.

"Fine, I'll take both of you," I grumble. "Why do you have to have so many activities?"

"I only have a few," Donnie protests.

"Yeah, same!" Mikey interjects.

"Whatever," I mutter, pulling out of the school parking lot just as Mikey screams.

DONNIE'S P.O.V.

"Mikey! What is it?" I yell, trying to get to him over his long, drawn-out screech. "Mikey!"

"Leo, look at this!" Mikey yells, thrusting his phone into our eldest brother's face.

"No one's dead back there, right?" Raph demands.

"So far," Mikey mutters under his breath. "We're fine, Raph."

"So why'd you scream like that?"

"Raph, take a look at this," Leo says, making Raph pull over.

"What? What is it?" I ask. Why is no one showing me anything?

"F***," Raph comments, looking at the screen.

"What. Is. It?" I demand.

MIkey draws in a nervous breath. "Donnie, look at your Facebook page." I know Mikey is on it a lot and Leo and Raph usually check on him from their accounts, but mine only has inventions or contests I've done. I open my phone to my page and see the comments on my most recent post, the one a few weeks ago where I won one of my robotics competitions.

Looks like the freak won something… death at his own hand.

Why don't you just kill yourself, worthless? No one wants you around.

Better watch your back.

Who needs you anyway?

Would it really be a shame if something happened that finally caused you to die?

It feels like a sledgehammer has been slammed into my gut, and my brothers don't look any better. "Why?..." I trail off.

Mikey takes the phone back and shuts it off. Tears are pooling in his eyes and I lean over. "Don't worry, Mikey. I'm not going anywhere."

"Promise?"

I squeeze his hand. "Promise."

An awkward silence fills the car as Raph pulls up to our small house. "Don't tell Dad about this, okay?"

We all nod and jump out, heading to the front door. Leo unlocks it and as he steps in, turns to Mikey. "So, I'll go with you to your cooking thing and Raph can go with Donnie, sound good?"

"Sure!" Mikey says, still sounding bubbly as ever. "There are, like, three rounds to this- a breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Or something like that."

Raph turns to me. "What kind of robotics competition is this anyway?"

"Um, it's just a prelim so mostly demonstration of the programs so far; most people are probably going to have a little bit to do before the full competition next week," I say, still feeling the nervousness claw at me. The thing is, I can understand why people would write things like that.

"Dad?" Mikey called into the empty house.

"He's at the noodle shop, remember? With Mr. Murakami?" Leo says.

"Oh, yeah," Mikey says, slumping a little.

"Hey, why don't we go there for dinner and surprise Dad?" Raph suggests.

"I like that," Mikey says. "But I have homework."

"We all do," Leo says, then looks at me. "Well, maybe not Donnie."

"Uh, yeah. I finished in study hall," I say sheepishly. "I'll be working on my robot." I head to the basement, my lab, and tap the smaller robot on the head, making a tinny sound fill the room. Just a few more programs and he should be done… I take the book of katas off the shelf and finish putting the last one in. Then, the test run.

My phone buzzes right before I run it, some notification or whatever. More posts on Facebook, people telling me to kill myself. But I can't leave my brothers.

I film the robot as it goes through the katas with near perfection. On the third one, the foot drags a little and on the last one the punch doesn't hit hard enough, minor bugs I can recode.

Mikey climbs down the stairs and I realize how much time has passed, over an hour has gone by. "Cool robot, D," he says, sounding slightly pissed. I assume he has read the new comments. "Does it have a name?"

"No, not yet." I smile, turning to him. "You want to name him?"

"Yes!" Mikey says, jumping from the fifth stair and landing next to me. "Metalhead, it's nice to meet you."

I smile. "I'm just testing the code again, come here. Metalhead's going to run through our practice katas."

"Woah," my only little brother says, watching Metalhead go through some of the katas we've learned so far. "Raph! Leo! Come check out the robot Donnie made!" Leo comes downstairs almost instantly, Raph taking a little bit longer.

Metalhead is almost done with our most recent kata, the one only Leo has mastered so far. He steps forward, swings his fist while blocking, and finishes with a flurry of kicks. Then he turns to me and bows.

"Cool, Donnie," Leo says, but without much interest. Raph just grunts and heads back up the stairs. I wish they understood how hard it is to actually program Metalhead to do this. Sometimes Leo and Raph are really annoying about stuff like that. At least Mikey has a genuine interest in it, despite not knowing any of the programming. He does know it takes forever.

"Don't worry about them," Mikey says. "I still think it's super awesome. You're totally going to win your competition. I wish I could come, but…"

"I know, Mikey. I wish I could be at your cooking contest too." He smiles at me, the freckles on his cheeks warming my heart.

LEO'S P.O.V.

I pile my brothers into the car, shoving the key into the ignition. "Mikey! Hurry up!" I call. Donnie slides into the back seat, his face hard and silent. Raph has his phone in his hand and stares down at the screen.

"Mikey!" I call one last time. He runs out the door, locking it, and then jumping into his seat.

"Sorry, Leo," he says. I pull out and into the street, watching Donnie as he reads one of his books. His face doesn't change.

I'm worried about him. Those comments might be getting to him, but it seems like something else is bothering him at the same time…

I shake the thoughts out of my head. I'm driving. I need to stay focused on the road. Mikey is oddly quiet, not telling jokes or annoying Raph or bugging Donnie. The fifteen minute ride feels like an hour with all the silence that fills it.

Who knew the quiet could be so loud?

I pull up to the noodle shop, 24/7. "Murakami-san?" I ask, pushing through the door.

"Ah, Leonardo!" he says as we bow respectfully to him. "Raphael, Donatello, and Michelangelo, welcome. Pizza gyoza, I assume?"

"You know it, thanks!" Mikey says, sitting on one of the barstools. "Where's Dad?"

"He's cleaning up in the back," Mr. Murakami says. "Do you want me to get him for you?"

"Sure, thanks," I say, sitting down with Raph. Donnie stays quiet as he sits too, setting his book down and his eyes not leaving the page. Dad walks out from the back.

"Dad! Guess what? Donnie made a robot and it's called Metalhead and it can do our katas!" Mikey exclaims right away. Donnie stiffens a little and relaxes, turning to Dad.

"Uh, yeah," Donnie says. "Mikey named him."

"Very interesting, Donatello," Dad tells him. "I would like to see it when we get home. Have all of you done your homework?"

"I finished," Raph says.

"Same," Mikey and I say at the same time. Donnie nods, going back to his book.

"Good. Now, Michelangelo, you have your cooking competition tomorrow, correct?" Dad asks. Mikey nods confirmation and Dad says, "I will be there."

"I'm going too," I say. Donnie keeps staring at his book, but his eyes aren't moving anymore.

"Yeah, and I'm headed to Donnie's nerd contest," Raph comments, not looking too happy to have to do it.

Dad just smiles. "I must finish up, but I will meet you at the car when you are done."

I frown a little. What's up with Donnie? And Dad? He didn't even notice the bruises on Donnie's face.

"Hey, D," I say, nudging him a little. Mikey turns to Raph, starting to tell him some ridiculous story he made up. "You okay?"

"I'm fine, Leo," Donnie tells me with a soft, but fake, smile.

"If you say so. You know you can always come to me or Raph," I tell him, and correct myself, "well, maybe not Raph. But you can always come to me."

"Thanks, Leo," Donnie says. I hope he believes me.

"Pizza gyoza," Mr. Murakami says, putting the platters in front of us.

"Thank you, Murakami-san," Donnie says, the rest of us following suit.

"You're welcome," he says as Mikey dives in with his chopsticks.

"Dudes! This is probably the best one yet!" he cries, stuffing two more in his mouth.

"Mikey, slow down," Raph scolds before turning to his own. "Wow!"

I try mine next. It really is the best he's ever done. "Did you add oregano to the sauce?" I ask.

"I did, Leonardo," Mr. Murakami says. "Do you like it?"

"It's really good," Donnie tells him.

"Wonderful," he says, clapping his hands together. "I should help your father clean up in the back. Thank you for stopping by."

I remember the first time we went here with Dad and had pizza gyoza. Even Donnie, the picky eater, was willing to try it. Of course Mikey had it first.

But today, Donnie's just kind of pushing it around a few times and then eating it, almost unwillingly. I know he said nothing's wrong with him, but I'm still worried.

It's my job, after all. To worry about and look after my younger brothers.

MIKEY'S P.O.V.

Dad decides to drive us home from Mr. Murakami's shop. I sit on the left side, Donnie in the middle, and Raph on the right. As the oldest, Leo automatically gets shotgun.

Donnie still has a black eye, but the swelling on his lip went down. Dad hasn't said anything, which is kind of weird but whatever.

"Raph, can you move over? I'm being squished," Donnie says. He's thin enough to fit in the middle, but that seat is really small, especially with Raph's bulk on one side of you.

"I don't have any room for moving over," Raph grunts.

"Guys, we're almost home," Leo says. "Quit complaining."

"Easy for you to say," I grumble. "Donnie, can I see your robot again when we get home?" I ask my genius brother.

"Sure," he says. "I was going to show it to Dad as well, if he wants…"

"Thanks D!" I say. Seriously, that robot is the best. Donnie reaches up to tuck his kinda long hair away from his face and I see a scab on his wrist, in a perfectly straight line. "Donnie, what happened? On your wrist?"

He looks at the scab. "I, uh, cut myself on one of the pieces of metal I was using for Metalhead."

"Got it," I nod. Donnie does that occasionally.

"So, my sons, how was school today?" Dad asked.

"It was pretty good," Leo says.

"Meh," Raph grunts.

"Same as Leo," I say.

Donnie keeps reading that book of his. It must be really interesting, considering he's had his nose in it since we left the house. Or maybe… maybe he doesn't want Dad to know he was bullied again.

"Donatello?" Dad asks. Donnie makes his _I'm so screwed_ face, the same on he makes when one of his inventions gets out of hand.

"Um, it wasn't too bad," he says.

"I am glad to hear it," Dad tells him. "Now, Michelangelo, what time is your competition tomorrow?"

"Like, right after school," I reply, checking the email. "Yeah."

"Okay. Sounds good. And Donatello, you have your demonstration?" Dad doesn't sound too interested, just like he's confirming something.

"Uh, yeah. If you want to see it during one of Mikey's breaks, it's just on the floor above," Donnie tells Dad, but he's not listening. I see Donnie's face fall a little, but he quickly turns back to his book. Leo casts a worried glance back at us and I give him a big thumbs-up, knowing Donnie will want to solve the problem on his own.

Dad pulls into the driveway. "My sons, we are going to the dojo," he says and we all rush excitedly to the top floor of our house. It's big and open and has a high ceiling, perfect for me to flip over my brothers.

Leo and Raph are racing each other, Raph's stockiness slowing him down and letting Leo get the lead. I follow them eagerly, Donnie walking in a moment later with the book away from his face and a bowl in his hands instead. Are those… eggs?

I grab my gear, my brothers doing the same thing. Nunchucks, belt, knee and elbow pads…

Leo pulls his katana from the scabbards with the awesome shing sound they always make. Raph twirls his sais and Donnie glares at his bo staff. I know he was disappointed that all he got was a 'stupid stick'.

But Donnie is the master bo staff man, even though it's not made of metal or anything. It doesn't even have the carefully wrapped leather handles that I or Leo or Raph have. He just has some kind of athletic wrap around the middle, but he can always beat me.

Last, I tie on my mask. It's bright orange, not the best for stealth but I like it. Leo has a blue one, Raph red, and Donnie purple. "Ninjas in the house!" I whoop.

"Shut it, Mikey," Raph groans. "We can't announce to the whole city that we're ninjas!"

"I know, but I needed to yell something!" I whine.

"How about 'Booyakasha'?" Leo suggests and I don't catch the sarcasm in his voice.

"I like that! Thanks, Leo!" I say.

"Guys, check it! I made ninja smoke bombs!" Donnie says. "We're going to take our ninjitsu to a whole new level!" He smashes one of the egg things on the ground and a huge cloud of purplish smoke comes out.

Donnie taps me on the shoulder and I whirl around in surprise. "See! They're awesome!"

"Shut up. This," I start, grabbing the bowl out of his hands and using one. "Is. THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE!" I run all around the dojo using them.

"Wait, Mikey!" Donnie calls. "It takes a long time to make them! First, I have to drill a hole in both the top and bottom of the shell without cracking it, then blow out the yolk and wait for the inside to dry. Then, I pour in flash powder and seal both ends."

"All I'm hearing is blah, blah, science, blah. Do it again!" Raph interrupts.

"What I'm saying is they take a long time to make, so use them sparingly," Donnie tells us with a pointed glance at me.

"Sorry D," I say.

"It's okay. Just, you know, be careful," he says, smiling a little.

"My sons, what is all the noise?" Dad- or Sensei, now- asks.

"Donnie made ninja smoke bombs!" I tell him excitedly. "Donnie, show him!"

Donnie pulls out one of the smoke bombs out and disappears, coming up behind Sensei. "Hi," he says, grinning. I feel the smile spread across my face as well. These are so cool!

"Excellent, Donatello. We will be using these. Can you make more soon?" Sensei asks.

"Sure, if Mikey keeps making omelets for breakfast. I can give him the yolks and I'll use the shells." Donnie kind of stares up at the ceiling, thinking. "But, I have my contest coming up and I have to finish up with Metalhead."

"If you have time I would like you to make more," Sensei says. "I would greatly appreciate it."

"Hai, Sensei," Donnie says, putting the bowl to the side.

"Leonardo and Donatello, you will go against Raphael and Michelangelo. Relaxed spar. Hajime!"

I leap into action, twirling my nunchucks. I'll go after Donnie and Raph will get Leo. Donnie has his staff out and is twirling it all around his body, blocking my attacks. I manage to hook a kusarigama chain around the end of his staff, but he uses my momentum as I charge to slam me into the wall. Then the blade is out of his staff and pointed at my throat. I'm down.

Donnie joins Leo against Raph, and, seeing Raph' sais and Leo's swords locked together, backs up at Sensei's nod. We all want to see how this turns out.

Donnie brings his hand up to his lip, feeling the skin. It's still split and Donnie's eye isn't swollen anymore, and I realize Sensei still hasn't noticed, or if he has, he hasn't said anything.

Leo pins Raph, winning the round for him and Donnie.

"Excellent work, Leonardo. I have a new kata for you. Raphael, Donatello, Michelangelo- you may work on the one from last week."

I watch Raph do it less than perfectly and remember how the moves are supposed to go. I move through the kata at a perfect speed and with perfect form and see Sensei's eyes on me as I finish.

"Well done, Michelangelo. You may join us," Sensei says. Yes!

I mastered a new kata. Before two of my brothers.

"Booyakasha!"

* * *

 _Yay! So I finished this and am going on a ski trip so I might not update for a little while. I hope you're enjoying this so far._


	3. Chapter 3

_I just wanted to start by saying I'm so sorry about not updating recently, like I said, I had a science test and ended up having a Spanish quiz I didn't have to study for (Why? I took five years of it before switching schools and then was placed in Spanish 1A and so the stuff is super easy), plus a music presentation, but I also found out I'm getting my braces off! It's happening on... yesterday. Anyways, I'm super sorry I haven't updated, but why do you think I'm here? There's a new chapter! I wanted to give so many thanks to all of the new reviewers and follows and favorites, you have no idea how much your support means to me. So many thanks go out to Cinnabunnies5123 and GomperEatsAll for your amazing reviews, you guys almost made me cry when I saw them. Thanks also go to The kid, James Bond, animenerd728 and Althea Sirius, I really love the support. Let's try to get this to ten reviews. Sorry for taking so long, you'll probably just skip over this, but anyone who reviews will get a shout-out at the start of a new chapter while I'm working on this. Also, thanks you for the suggestions for future chapters, but I think I know where I'm going now. If anyone know a good title for this, however, I am getting sick of just calling it 'TMNT Human AU', so if anyone has better ideas...? Thanks so much to my reviewers, followers, and favorites I love the positive messages you have given me. And here is the new chapter, warning, self-harm. Enjoy and please review at the end._

* * *

RAPH'S P.O.V.

I wake up the next morning and remember the events of last night. How could Mikey, of all of us, be the second one to master the new kata? It makes no sense! He has a lot of raw talent, I'll give him that.

I look at the clock. It's, like, three thirty in the morning! Why did I wake up so early?

Well, I know part of the reason is Donnie. I've been worried about him. Yesterday he was acting all weird, or, weirder than usual for him. I love Donnie to death, but he needs to work on his social skills. I hear the telltale sound of his fingers tapping the keyboard through the thin walls, his room right next to mine. Since I'm already awake I head down the hall to check on him.

"Hey, Brainiac," I whisper. Donnie whirls around, startled, and quickly moves something off his desk. I see the robot he's been making, Metalhead, I think his name is.

"Oh, uh, hi Raph," Donnie says, flustered. He looks at his wrists for a moment and then raises his gaze back up to me. "Why are you awake?"

"I was just about to ask you the same question," I say. "What are you doing?"

"I was working on the code for Metalhead. I'm kind of nervous about the competition," Donnie says.

"Really? You?" I say. Donnie's never seemed nervous for his competitions before, and if he ever was, he hides it well.

"Yeah." Donnie gives me a simple answer. "Why are you awake?"

"I woke up, genius," I respond.

Donnie blinks. "Okay. Why did you wake up so early?"

I smirk. "I have no idea."

Donnie shakes his head. "Really?"

"Yup."

My little brother- I almost never think of him that way- smiles a little. "Well, I'll be awake. Can you get me when Leo wakes up?"

"Sure," I say, putting him in a headlock. He struggles against my arm and I see it.

His sleeve falls and _I see it_.

"Donnie, what the heck?" I growl, releasing him.

"What?" he asks, nervously.

"Are you… cutting?" I pull down his sleeve and sure enough, there are perfectly straight scabs going across his wrist and arm. "You said you'd stop!"

He turns away. "You don't understand."

"Of course I don't! Why would you cut again?" I demand, incredulous.

"They're getting worse," Donnie says, tears brimming at his eyes. "And it's getting louder."

"What do you mean?"

"The comments."

I pull out my phone, getting onto Facebook. "F***, Donnie. Why didn't you tell us it was this bad?" People are literally telling him to die and that no one cares about him.

"I didn't want you guys to think I couldn't handle it…"

"Well, clearly you can't if you're cutting!" I tell him. "We're going to Leo. Right now."

"Can this wait until morning?" Donnie asks.

"No." Leo's standing in the doorway, staring at us.

Donnie shrinks back a little. "How much did you hear?"

"I heard enough," Leo says and sits next to Donnie. "Come on, Don, I told you that you could always come to one of us!"

Donnie starts crying. "I thought I could handle it," he says, sniffling. "I thought I could, and I couldn't and I didn't want you guys thinking that I'm weak!"

Leo puts an arm around his shaking shoulders. "Donnie, if people are posting death threats on your Facebook page, we're not going to think that you're weak if you're having trouble dealing with it! I know any of us would be scared or nervous if that happened to us."

Donnie leans into Leo and I come over too. I can't stand seeing Donnie like this. Whoever posted these comments is going to pay. A lot. In blood.

"Wait, what do you mean it's getting louder?" Leo asks.

"The voices," Donnie chokes out. "I can hear them, the comments, in my head. Telling me…" He buries his face in Leo's shoulder again, Leo hugging him protectively.

"Sh, Donnie, we're here for you. You can tell us," he reassures, and I feel kind of useless. Leo's the only one supporting Donnie right now.

"Yeah, Don, don't worry," I add. "Me and Leo, we'll make sure it stops." I sit down with them too.

"Really?" Donnie asks, his voice full of broken hope.

"Really," I promise, putting my hand on his other shoulder. "That's what brothers are for."

He smiles at us with watery eyes. "Thanks, Leo, Raph."

"Anytime," Leo says, "do you need us to stay any longer?"

He sniffles. "I think I'm okay now."

"Okay, Donnie. Come and get us if you need anything. Just try to get back to sleep," Leo says. I pull Donnie, to his surprise, into a fierce hug.

"We're here for you," I tell him. He nods and I exit.

Leo waits in the hall. "Donnie hasn't cut since last spring," I whisper.

"I know," he says sadly. "I hope we're helping. We can put supportive comments on his page, I guess."

"Yeah, but it feels like too little. We can't go around and find everyone that put a comment telling Don to kill himself and beat them up; it's almost a quarter of the school and a bunch of random idiots!" I slam my fist into my hand, trying to let out some of the frustration. "What can we do to make it stop, Leo?" I ask.

"I'm… not sure yet. We can sleep on it and I'll talk to you tomorrow," Leo says, stepping into his doorway. "And, Raph? Thanks. For, you know, helping me with Donnie."

"Like I told you, it's what brothers are for," I say. "Night, Leo."

"Night, Raph."

DONNIE'S P.O.V.

The mask of hope I put on slips off as I watch Leo and Raph step out of the room, feeling anger creep over me. How could I let them find out?

The voice in my head keeps telling me that I'm not good enough, I need to be better, this will make you happy. It promises so many things, all of them lies. I'm not happy, I realize. I hate myself and who I am.

The voice grows louder, blocking out the tiny bit of resistance that struggles to get through.

 _You will be happy if you stay with me._

 _I can make you better._

 _You can be good enough._

I violently shake my head, trying to banish it from my head. It gets louder and louder, drowning out everything before I break down on my bed, letting the silent tears slip down my face. I failed my brothers and family, but I can change. I can be better for them. They are the reason I must live.

The voice hisses in approval, telling me to pick up the knife again and I do, as if I am a puppet on one lonely string that controls me. I slice into my arm, completely numb and not feeling what I am doing to myself. Blood flows outward in a small red wave, staining my arm. The knife enters with its tender embrace, the horrid relief running over me like water. Like the blood dripping off my arm.

I let out a soft whimper, feeling the sting of the wounds I am creating and probe them with my fingers. My hands slip over the warm, sticky substance, dying the flesh bright red.

 _This is improvement._

 _You're doing the right thing._

 _You will be worth it. You will be enough._

A smile grows on my face as the voice tells me I am doing it right. With shaking hands, I wrap the cuts and go to sleep, knowing I will wake up and start being better.

LEO'S P.O.V.

I wake up and stretch, wondering why I am so exhausted before I remember what happened last night. Raph. Donnie. Cutting.

I stare at the old scars I hid from my brothers so long ago before I had realized what I was doing to myself. Donnie must have been going through something similar to what I had done, so, unlike Raph, I actually knew what Donnie was going through. I have to have a talk with him.

"Donnie?" I say, gently knocking on his door. Raph steps out of his own room, sees me, and goes to wake up Mikey. I nod at him as Donnie's voice floats through the door.

"Come in."

I walk over to where he is sitting at his desk, already dressed in jeans and a long-sleeved shirt. "I know what you're going through," I say, rather bluntly.

His eyebrows shoot up. "You- you do?"

"I once did the same thing," I confess, showing him my wrist and arm, letting the light hit the pink scars on my skin. "And I didn't tell anyone. I know how toxic your mind is, how it tells you that you aren't good enough. But you are, Donatello. We love you just for who you are. And if you need to talk, come to me. I can relate to you because I know what it's like." My voice wobbles on the next sentence. "And you can't change because of what it tells you. It only breaks you and tries to get rid of who you are. You can't lose yourself, Donnie. We need you. We need the real you. And you can't let go of it." I look into his eyes, the ones that reflect the pain and inner torment I felt at his age.

He doesn't say anything for a while, not until I wrap him in a tight hug. "Stay strong, Donnie. We can help you fight this."

Donnie only says one thing before getting up and walking to the kitchen. "No amount of ninja training can defeat an opponent this strong."

He leaves me grasping at the empty space where he was, no words to his response. Only the feeling that he will only be dragged deeper and deeper down until he disappears, replaced by a Donnie none of us know.

I jump up, knowing I have to stop him before he is gone and rush out. Mikey is still half-asleep and is poking at some toast. Father swings the tea kettle off the stove, pouring cups for both of us. Donnie stands among them, not belonging in this scene of normalness. How long has he been hiding from us? I can't talk to him now.

Raph comes in, stealing an extra glance at Donnie. Mikey greets us with a tired smile and a slurred joke that no one can hear as he almost face-plants into his breakfast.

"Mikey, you okay?" Raph asks him, sitting him up in his seat.

"I'm fine," he said. "I stayed up late last night studying for a test. Friggin' Spanish." He scowls at his plate. I can't help but stifle a small giggle because Mikey always gets like this when he studies too much, and then suddenly becomes a whirlwind of energy (usually in the car).

"Okay," Raph says with a smirk. I know he's thinking the same thing as I put bread in the toaster and add a pinch of sugar to my cup of tea. Father gets up and leaves for work, telling us he loves us. Donnie looks at the floor.

The toaster dings and I reach over to it, trying to pull it out but it hasn't popped up. I get a fork to fish it out before Donnie cries, "Leo! Do not stick a fork in the toaster! You could either kill yourself or blow up the toaster!"

I step back from it. "Okay, so what about a spoon?"

"No."

"What about a knife?"

"No!"

Mikey steps in. "Let me get it," he says, carefully reaching in and pinching the edge of the bread. "Here, Leo."

"Thanks, Mikey," I say. "I told you the kitchen appliances hate me."

"And that's why I stick to the cooking," he says, smiling playfully at me.

I grin back, spreading jam on the slightly burnt toast. It all seems like a normal morning, at least, for Mikey, but Raph and I know the hidden truth. Mikey can not, will not, find out. He and Donnie are practically best friends.

"Uh, dudes, it's almost 7:45!" Mikey says, rushing to get his bag.

"S***!" Raph yells, a word he would never use around Father, slinging his bag over his shoulder and tossing the car keys at me. I hand him breakfast, taking the other slice for myself, and we all pile into the car.

It's 8:00 when we get to school, and homeroom starts at 8:10, so we're okay. I breathe for what feels like the first time that morning, with Donnie and all. I want to tell Father, but I know how much worse it would make Donnie feel. For me, when I cutting and that deep into depression when I didn't even feel the pain anymore, anyone knowing or finding out just convinced me that I needed to be even better and I just continued to fall down. I ended up in this ocean of need to be better, and any time I tried to take a breath to escape the voice, another wave of self-hatred and disappointment just dragged me under again.

If I know my brother at all, this is how he feels.

But if I don't… if he doesn't…

I walk into my homeroom, thinking over how I can talk to Donnie, tell him how bad this actually is. Not exactly just the cutting, that's just a way to cope with… emotional pain.

I was cutting because I always felt I had to be better than my brothers, as the oldest. So when Raph beats me in training or Mikey can get something without practicing nearly as much as I do, it really used to hurt. So I needed a way to deal with the thoughts that I wasn't good enough, that I needed to be better and turned to cutting to get rid of the pain I was feeling. For whatever reason, nobody helped me out. It was during a sparring session when Raph and I beat Donnie and Mikey that I realized that we were a team. It wasn't all about just one individual's strength, it was about all of us as a team, as brothers.

My emotional pain was only coming from myself and my ego.

Where was Donnie's coming from?

MIKEY'S P.O.V.

I know something is up with my brothers from the way they shot glances at Donnie and shared relieved looks after staring at me for a second. There's something going on, and it involves Donnie. I want to know what it is, but first…

…I have a Spanish test. Tomorrow. Today is the review.

I was up half the night studying, and I'm exhausted, at least at breakfast. Now I'm full of a nervous energy through all of homeroom, just like a time bomb. Raph is in my homeroom too, and sits with me.

"So, what's going on with Donnie?" I blurt out and Raph tenses.

"Um, you know the comments?" Raph asks. "They're getting worse. And Donnie thought he could deal with it on his own, so if he seems more… distant… just know he's going through something hard right now."

It's not the whole truth, but I'll accept it, for now.

"Okay," I say. I don't know how bad the comments are getting, but from Raph's face, they must be on a whole other level.

The teacher calls out names, taking attendance. "Michelangelo Hamato?" she says, scanning the room.

I raise my hand. "Here!"

"Raphael Hamato?"

"Here," Raph grumbles.

I know Raph isn't the biggest fan of school, but I wonder if it's more than just that he hates being in a chair all day. It might be about the people too.

Sure enough, I follow his gaze and see he's glaring at some kid across the room. I have no idea who he is, he's in Donnie's grade, but from Raph's look he must have said something really mean.

A group of kids at a table across from us see me and Raph and all begin to whisper. Sometimes I wish that my brothers wouldn't let me know anything so I could be blissfully unaware, and at others I want them to tell me everything. This is the latter.

I groan, grabbing my bag and heading to first period. The review always seems worse than the actual test, especially if you don't understand half of the material because the teacher sucks. Okay, maybe it's me, but still!

Señora Garcia sends a sharp glare my way as I pull out a piece of paper, seemingly only for notes. My pencil freezes over the page, just about to start drawing. She taps the board with the pointer stick, making the whole class fall silent in seconds.

"You all know we have a test tomorrow," she says in her high-pitched, nasal voice. "So we're going to review today so I know that you know all the material. All of you." I shrink in my seat a little. I don't take much interest in any of my other classes, focusing mainly on art.

So when Señora Garcia asks if we know how to properly conjugate verbs I am lost. I'm in a first-year Spanish class, since our old school didn't have it. I can speak Japanese, and well too. Leo and Donnie are better than me, but I'm better than Raph. I let my thoughts wander to when we lived in Japan, always speaking the language of home.

"Michelangelo!" Señora Garcia says, tapping on my desk. "Michelangelo!"

I look up, startled. "Lo siento," I say automatically, a statement I actually do know since I use it way too much. "Um… what were you saying?"

She sighs. "I asked if you could conjugate 'hablar' for us."

"Oh! Yeah, that's easy. Yo hablo, tú habla...s. Él, ella, o usted, habla." Everyone can hear the hesitation in my voice as I go through the forms of the verb. "Nosotros hablamos, y ellos, ellas, o ustedes, habl… an." I give her a nervous smile.

"Bien, Michelangelo," she says, and I think it means good. Hopefully it means good. I am scared for the test, no matter how much I studied. Leo knows I usually save studying to the last minute, and so far it hasn't worked. The lowest grade I've gotten with that method is a B-, which, according to Dad, isn't going to cut it. I did get an A+ in history using it, though, so it might work for some things.

Plus, history is so boring. If my study-at-the-last-minute technique works on history, it has to work on anything.

We all have our different studying ways. Leo usually starts studying the week before, and with Donnie's help, makes flashcards or Quizlets so he can study. Raph either just skims over his notes or reads the textbook. Donnie doesn't really need to study, especially not for science or chemistry or whatever. He sometimes studies for English or Latin, but not often.

I start drawing again, this time me and Donnie. He was always my best friend when we were little, make sure I was okay and that I wasn't alone. If I needed someone to listen, he would be there. If I needed to talk to someone without worry of being teased or judged, Donnie was the one I went to. We were always so close.

What was he keeping from me now?

* * *

 _I know Donnie's P.O.V. was pretty short, as was Mikey's, but I got serious writer's block with how to continue their parts and then just left it. Again, so sorry for the late update, I'm going to try to update once a week, but depending on school, we'll see. I have a project due soon and we're reading A Midsummer Night's Dream in English and IT MAKES NO SENSE! If I can write, I will. Thank you to everyone who has supported this story and Cinnabunnies5123, your request has been put in here, just not when you said it should happen, so sorry about that. Also, GomperEatsAll, I will be using your suggestion as well in the next chapter. Oh, and did anyone catch the Coldplay refrence in Donnie's POV?_


	4. Chapter 4

_Guess who's back? It's a me, a Mario! Okay, it's not Mario, it's just Rhubarb again... I'm so sorry about the wait, I was having a lot of trouble before my first day of the second semester for school and for some reason, it all just clicked. I'm going to finish writing the story before I post any new chapters, but I want to thank GomperEatsAll, Cinnabunnies5123 and Althea Sirius for your continued support, you guys are all keeping me going through this. I also wanted to thank Musiclover435 for your new review and support. You guys have given me over fifteen reviews, which is so much more than I expected. When this is done, I ask you to share it with your friends because I am planning to give this a message that will hopefully help some people. Some people struggle every single day with mental health disorders and I'm trying to bring awareness to how bad it is in my own way. Tell someone that they aren't alone. It's not just you._

* * *

RAPH'S P.O.V.

The fear comes at me like a wave whenever I see Donnie. Fear that he won't stop, fear that he will be lost in his emotions, fear that he's going to give up on us, on himself.

Fear is a new emotion to me. Even in sparring with Master Splinter I am not afraid, he would never hurt me badly on purpose. But now, Donnie is unpredictable. We don't know what he's going to do, or when.

The moment of shock replays through my mind, his sleeve falling down and revealing the red-brown scabs to me, the pink scars he hid. Why is he doing this?

Leo puts a hand on my shoulder as I violently close my locker. "Raph…"

I pull away, jerking my body away from Leo. "What?" I say harshly, the fear pouring into my voice and actions.

"About Donnie… I talked to him this morning." Leo looks at the ground, as if ashamed.

"And I take that it didn't go so well?" I ask him.

Leo nods. "But I do have an idea. Have you ever heard of the butterfly project?" He pulls his book out of his locker and I head to English with him.

"No, what is it?" I ask. "Could it help Donnie?"

"I think so. It helped m- er, a friend of mine." Leo blinks, just once. "The butterfly project is for people who do self-harm, like cutting. Whenever the person feels the need to cut, they draw a butterfly on the area. They can name it after one of their family members or friends, just people who care about them and want them to get better. And the butterflies are special, if they cut while they're still there, it dies. They need to keep it on until it fades away, and then if the person feels the need to cut again, they draw another butterfly." We stop at the door. "Does that make sense?"

"I think it might work," I said. "Let's tell Donnie now."

Leo nods agreement, stepping in and sitting at the table with Donnie. As I pass them, I hear whispers start to fly around the other tables, snickers rising up in the air. I glare at one of the kids. What are they talking about? I know none of us participate in gossip or rumors, so we have no idea what's happening.

Leo starts explaining the butterfly project to Donnie, in Japanese so no one else will know, and I scan the room. I never really noticed the other kids, but now all of them are sneaking sideways looks at us. Is it because of the language? But there are also those twins from Puerto Rico who speak Spanish, so I don't think it's that…

Karai is at the table right next to us, not looking at us, but I can tell she's listening to Donnie and Leo. I remember she's from Japan as well, and knows Japanese just as good as we do.

I cut a look at Leo, then jerk my head in Karai's direction as he looks at me. He understands and lowers the volume, putting a supportive hand on Donnie's arm. I still can't believe that he's even having this conversation in the first place!

I glare at one of the kids across the room, daring him to say anything. None of those kids who are commenting are going to get away with this, at least not in the way they expect. I'm not going to let Donnie do anything else that's going to hurt him.

"Leo, how are we going to tell Mikey?" I ask as the teacher walks in.

"We're not. Not yet," Leo says, taking out his laptop. "You guys finished your papers, right?"

Donnie nods. Of course. He's probably had his done for over a week.

"Mine's done," I tell Leo, pulling the paper from my bag. "See?"

Leo looks it over. "You actually might get an assignment done on time."

"Ha. That's so funny, Leo," I say sarcastically. "I'm not that bad of a student! I have a B+ average."

"That's above average," Donnie says before the teacher asks us all to be quiet.

"Everyone, please submit your book updates and then Karai will come and collect your papers," she says. I pull out my laptop as well, sending the form to the teacher.

Karai comes around, taking the stack of papers on our desk. Mine is two pages long, Leo has three and a half, and Donnie has… five?

"How did you write five pages?" I hiss.

He shrugs. "I could have written more, but I'm on a page limit." My jaw almost drops, and I see Leo struggling to hide the surprise. "What are you guys staring at me for?"

"Some things are never going to change," Leo says, smiling.

I shake my head. "We need a new nickname for you, besides Brainiac. What about Dorkatello?"

"Mikey would love it." Donnie grins.

But underneath the mask he puts on, I can still see the feelings that he suppresses. The feelings he hides from us, shutting us out of the problem. Keeping it to himself. Not letting us help him.

But he needs us today.

I reach over, grab his arm, and start to draw.

DONNIE'S P.O.V.

We were in art when Leo drew his butterfly. Raph's is over the scabs, hiding them under a layer of marker. It's in red, and slightly lopsided, but it means a lot to me that Raph has even given me one. I can't let them die.

We weren't doing independent work today. Instead, we had to draw loneliness.

Raph looked confused at that and asked how we could draw something that isn't tangible, and was told we had to draw what is looks like to us.

Mikey started right away, seemingly knowing exactly what he wants to draw. Raph stared at his paper. And Leo grabbed my arm, yanked the sleeve up a little, and added his butterfly.

Mikey looked over. "Ooh! Human art project!" he says. "Can I draw on Donnie?"

"Maybe later," Leo said, capping his marker. The new butterfly is inked in blue, just below Raph's. I slid my sleeve back over, sending a glance of gratitude to him.

"Why not now?" Mikey whined, trying to grab my sleeve. "Donnie! Let me draw on you!"

I pulled my arm away. "Not now, Mikey."

He pouted. "Fine."

I ended up drawing what I thought loneliness was: someone all by themselves, curled up in a corner, with words of hate going into their brain.

Stupid.

Freak.

Worthless.

Not good enough.

Raph glanced over at my paper, and seeing the drawing, frowned.

Just like he's doing now.

"Seriously, Donnie, why am I at your nerd convention?" he mutters, glaring at all the robots. "What are these even supposed to do?"

"Raph, not all of them are for everyday use. The point of this is to show off our coding abilities, and the top ten robots with the most complex code move on to the next round," I say, lugging Metalhead to my place. "Attach the wires to my computer, will you?" I ask, handing him the cords.

Raph sighs, grabbing them from my hands. "I don't even know where these go," he mutters, looking at the side ports of my computer. I ignore him, putting the other ends of the wires into Metalhead expertly.

I look back at Raph, seeing he only has one cord in so far. "Here, let me do it," I say, taking the cords from his hands. "Why did I even think you could help with this?"

He snorts. "Look, Donatello, I'm only here to film you and give support. Nothing else."

I roll my eyes at him. "Raph, if you could only understand a shred of what's going on here, you wouldn't be saying that."

"But I have no idea what's going on! What's a 'func funny-looking parenthesis' thing?" he asks, looking at my code.

I sigh. "It's a coding function, Raph." I don't give him the long explanation because three seconds in, I know he'll tell me to be quiet.

"We will begin demonstrations soon," the announcer says, her voice carrying over the room. "Please prepare your robots!"

I turn on Metalhead, watching his eyes glow. "You ready?" I ask him, knowing he won't respond.

"Are you talking to your robot?" Raph smirks.

"Yes, Raph, I am. It's just like how you talk to your turtle stuffed animal," I say, grinning as he blushes in embarrassment.

"Shut up! How did you even find out about that?" he asks.

"I can't do both at once," I say, running a portion of the code one last time. "Looks great."

"Will the following contestants please come up to the stage?" the announcer says, calling the first group of people up. I calm my nerves, knowing Metalhead is going to work. My robot is fine. I just don't know what everyone else's is going to look like. "…Donatello Hamato, and Leaf Jensen."

One girl walks past, head high and shoulders back. Her short sleeves show the scars along her arm and the butterflies drawn on it. Semicolons make up the butterfly's bodies, the wings swirled and spread far.

She had written something on her wrist, curving around it like a layer of bracelets, but I couldn't read it. She waves at me shyly, allowing me full view of the marks that would forever be on her wrist and forearms. They range from pale white to deep pink, showing that some were fresh.

I smile and wave back.

I don't have to do this anymore. I don't want to.

But I have to.

I take Metalhead, carefully placing him on the cart everyone had been given and begin pushing him towards the stage. Raph follows, filming me with his phone.

"First up, Bradley Cooper."

"Angel Defenestrate."

"Jackson Garci."

"Donatello Hamato."

I take a deep breath, wiping my palms on my shorts and bringing Metalhead onto the stage. "Hello. I'm Donatello, but you can call me Donnie." I smile. "I made a robot named Metalhead by my little brother, Mikey, and he's going to perform some katas for you guys." By the looks on everyone's face, I can guess that they had no idea what a kata was.

I push the play button on Metalhead, watching as the code runs perfectly. Every kick, every punch, every block is at the right time, everything forceful and accurate. Hope swells inside of me as Metalhead finishes, turned to the judges, and bows.

The place erupts in claps, cheers, and whistles. The judges all look stunned.

"How old are you, Donnie?" one of them asks.

"I'm fifteen," I say, turning to Metalhead. The judges all exchange looks with each other.

"Donnie, that was great. We've never seen such excellent coding in such a young contestant."

"Thank you so much," I say.

"Your scores will be on the board," another tells me. "Thank you, Donatello." I simply take Metalhead off the stage and back to my station.

"That was awesome, little brother!" Raph says, slapping me on the back. "I got the whole thing. You almost left the judges speechless."

I grin. "Come on, Raph, I want to see the others."

"Leaf Jensen." It's the girl from earlier, the one with the scars. She looks terrified.

"Um, hi?" she says, so quietly I can barely hear her. "My name is Leaf and my robots are butterflies." She holds up the container she had them in. "They have cameras for eyes that you can link to by plugging this microchip-" she holds one up "-into your computer. And they can actually fly, using a system of coding and hydraulics. Do you want to see them?" The judges all nod eagerly and gasp as her small swarm of maybe ten or so butterflies take to the air, mimicking the flight patterns of real butterflies and circling around the occasional person.

"Butterflies may just be insects to some people, but for others, they mean so much more." She pauses. "To people who cut, burn, or do other forms of self-harm, these butterflies are dedicated to you. I want you all to remember, a semicolon represents a sentence that the author could have ended, but chose not to. That author is you, and the sentence is your life." Her voice wobbles. "Thank you."

Stunned silence. Then all the butterflies land on her now outstretched arms, covering her in them. Then wild cheers, awestricken judges, and whistles. Every single person sitting down now stands up, clapping for her.

"How old are you?" the judges ask, the same question I got.

"I'm fourteen and a half," she said shyly, blushing at all the attention. "Really, it's nothing special. I-" she's stopped by one of the judges holding up a palm.

"It's extraordinary," she says, and that's the end.

LEO'S P.O.V.

Mikey tugs me towards his table. "Check it, Leo! Look at all the food we get to work with!" he exclaims, pointing at the table. "You know what we're doing, right? There's going to be four rounds, breakfast, lunch, and dinner, then a dessert round to determine the winner." He grins at me. "This is the first one I've been to in over a month!"

I smile, unable to help being affected by his enthusiasm. "How far do you think you'll get?"

"I want to make it to dinner, at least," he says, looking at the other kids. "You see that guy over there? He's won ten of these in a row. He's the one to beat."

"Go get him, Mikey," I say, pushing him forward.

"Hello, cooking contestants!" the announcer, a bright, bubbly girl with red hair says. "I hope you've all had a wonderful school day, there's nothing like a full backpack of homework to get you in the mood for this!" I smile. She's pretty funny. "Anyway, I'm sure you all know the rounds. There's breakfast, lunch, and dinner, from which the amount of people will go down from the twenty-eight we have now to twenty, ten, and then five left to compete in the baking round to win the contest! I now invite you all to go to the pantry, get your ingredients, and start cooking! Your time starts now!" Mikey runs off, grabbing a bin and jumping past other people. Eggs, sugar, oranges… I have no idea what else he grabs, but I can see fruit and powdered sugar and other… stuff. I don't know much about cooking considering all the kitchen appliances have some kind of grudge against me, and Mikey is the only one of us who really knows what he's doing in the kitchen. The half hour ticks down. Why does Mikey have bread?

He beats the eggs, adding milk, sugar, vanilla extract, cinnamon, and a tiny bit of salt, whisking it all together and setting it to the side. He then takes the bread and flattens it using a rolling pin, then cuts the crust off. There are six pieces. I watch as Mikey adds fruit to the bread, two strawberry with a dusting of vanilla sugar on them, two banana with a drizzle nutella, and two blueberry. He rolls them up into little log shapes, pinching the exposed edges together before dipping the whole thing in the egg mixture, setting them on a plate to the side. I realize he has already turned on the stove and greased a pan, carefully putting a roll-up on it and cooking it on all the sides. I watch as the time continues going down, only five minutes left when Mikey flips the last one for the last time. He glances at the clock, then at me and I give him a reassuring smile behind the camera. I promised to film this for him.

He sets one of each log on a plate, dusting it with powdered sugar and putting maple syrup into mini pitchers on the side, putting a fork on the side and finishing just as the time goes off.

"And time's up! Contestants, hands up, utensils down!" the announcer said. "I hope everybody was able to plate on time. Jeremy Sanders, you're up first for serving."

I caught Karai's eye from across the room, surprised. She walks over.

"What are you doing here?" I ask. "I didn't take you for the cooking type."

She laughs, bumping my side with her hip. "I'm here for Shini. She's trying to see how bad of a dish she can make. See her?" She points at the girl in all black wearing a witch hat. I can see her dish, something black and gooey. "Who are you here for?"

I smile. "Mikey. He's hoping to get to the dinner round."

Karai grins. "He probably will. I heard he's quite the chef."

We chat for a little longer, talking about school and our interests and whatever. There are only six more dishes left to serve when Mikey sees us and waves, smiling cheekily as he spots Karai as well. I roll my eyes at him.

"Shinigami Yeo, please bring your dish forward." Instantly both of our eyes are on her, watching the judges faces as they see her dish. One actually pushes it away, the other eating one bite and spitting it out onto her napkin. She takes a long drink of water. Karai is almost doubled over with laughter, leaning on me to help her stay upright. I feel like electricity is running through my veins at her touch.

"Um… good effort, Shinigami," the judge who pushed his plate away says. This brings Karai into hysterics again.

"Michelangelo Hamato, please come up." I can hear the suppressed laughter in her voice as Mikey goes up.

"Is April the MC?" I ask.

"Yeah," Karai says, still giggling. "She was in on the plan all along."

I grin, watching Mikey step forward and present his dish to the judges, both of their eyes widening in surprise. Mikey may only be fourteen, but he can cook and cook well.

"This is the best meal we've had so far," the female judge says. "What exactly is it?"

Mikey grins. "It's a french toast roll-up with fruit in the middle and a light coat of powdered sugar and maple syrup on the side. There's a strawberry with a bit of vanilla sugar, banana with nutella, and blueberry."

Karai smiles at him. "I would love that."

"Hopefully I can get Mikey to make it for my brothers and Father," I say.

She turns to me. "Can you cook?"

I laugh. "I can't cook to save my life. Heck, Mikey has to put the water for tea on for me." Karai smiles at this, shoving me away from her playfully. Is she… flirting?

"And the judging has finished! In order, from best to worst for the breakfast round, the top twenty that will move on to the next round are… Clark Marvin, Michelangelo Hamato, Chelsea Alix…"

I catch Mikey's eye, giving him a thumbs up and he gives one back. I finally put my phone down, giving my arm a rest before the next round. Shinigami walks over to us, giving Karai and I her signature cackle that intimidates the people around us. Karai breaks down again, tears coming down her face.

"That… was so… awesome!" she says between peals of laughter. "Shini, have you met Leo yet?"

Shinigami glances at me. "I think so. We're in art class with you, right?" she asks, her Japanese accent running over the words.

I nod. "Yeah." Karai looks at me.

"Hey, Leo, want to come with me to a movie on Saturday? Shinigami's busy with her witch stuff, so I'm all alone and my dad's being really annoying right now," Karai says, rolling her eyes and trying to hide the blush on her cheeks.

"Sure," I say, surprised. I'm going on a… a date?

She smiles. "I'll see you at seven at your house."

"How do you know where I live?" I asked.

Karai laughed. "Let's just say, I know a lot of things," she says, and before I can ask what that means, she and Shinigami disappear into the crowd.

MIKEY'S P.O.V.

"Okay, Leo, spill," I demand, seeing the dopey grin on his face. We have ten minutes before the next round starts and I saw Leo with Karai earlier.

He giggles. "Karai asked me out."

"SHE WHAT?" I yell, then lower my volume. "Dude! Is Shini going? Can I come?"

"Sorry, Mikey, Shinigami's doing witch stuff." I pout for a moment, but then my excitement for my oldest brother takes over.

"Dude! This is huge! You've had a crush on her for two years!" I whisper-shout. Man, I can't believe this! I'm so happy for my older brother.

"I know," Leo says, then glances at the time. "You might want to get back out there. I'll tell you more when this is over."

I nod, rushing back to my station. Okay, lunch. Pizza and pasta are both too boring on their own, but what if I combine them…? A slow grin spreads across my face.

"Welcome back, contestants! We will now start the lunch round. Are you all ready? Begin!" I shoot across the room, running to the pantry. Cheese, marinara sauce, pepperoni, rotini, onions, green peppers, italian seasoning, red pepper flakes, olive oil… I think I'm set. I put water on to boil, that's super important, and begin making the sauce.

The first thing I do is put half the jar of marinara sauce into a large pan, putting it on low heat. While that starts, I put in the seasoning, and quickly chop up the onion and peppers, wiping my eyes and tossing them into the olive oil bowl, then the red pepper flakes and mix it all together. I have to add a little bit of olive oil, then throw it in the sauce and mix it well, keeping an eye on it. The water is boiling by now, that took more time than I thought it would. Twenty minutes left. I add salt to the water, making sure it dissolves before adding the pasta. The pepperoni is chopped up into small bites, and I put that into the sauce as well, mixing it in. A little bit of mozzarella cheese to give the sauce a different texture. The rest is going on it.

"Surprise twist! You must make a drink to go with your food!" April says, fifteen minutes left. I stir the pasta again, thinking of a drink I could make. I pull out basil and lemon juice, deciding on a basil lemonade drink. I quickly make lemonade, pouring them into glasses and adding basil to them. It's simple but fun, and I know the judges will like them. The timer for my pasta goes off and I set up the strainer in the sink, pouring the water and then the pasta in. I take a big bowl to put the pasta in, but fist transferring it back into the pot and adding the sauce to it, mixing it in well and tasting it before throwing the fork in the sink. It's good. Really good. I throw some more cheese on it, toss it into the bowl, and then add a little more cheese and basil on top, and stick a salad fork into it.

Ice cubes! I run to the freezer, grabbing a tray, and carefully putting them into the lemonade along with a lemon slice. I'm done. I wipe my brow, watching the rest of the time tick down. Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. Two. One.

"Hands up, utensils down!" April calls, and I smile at Leo. He grins back. Suddenly, a memory of what happened earlier today flies into my head.

Raph and I had been walking down the hall before school ended. Raph had grabbed me in a playful headlock, telling me that no matter how the competition turned out, he was going to be proud of me. And he actually smiled.

He had to get his stuff and his locker was on the other end of the hall, so we split momentarily. Justin had come up to me.

"Hey, Mikey," he said, smiling.

I narrowed my eyes. He was one of the people who was making Donnie's life so miserable. "What do you want, Buckethead?"

His eyes hardened at the insult, but he kept his cool. "You know… in English Raph drew a butterfly on Donnie's arm, right? Do you know why?"

"Leave me alone," I said, trying to ignore him.

"Donnie's cutting," he said, a cruel grin on his face. "And Raph was just trying to help him, or so you think. He doesn't care about you or your brothers. That smile you saw from him just now? That's fake." He chuckled. "I can't believe he hasn't told you what Donnie was doing. He doesn't trust you enough to tell you."

"Stop it!" I said, shoving him away. Raph walked over at that point, and, seeing Justin, immediately ran over.

"What are you doing to Mikey?" he demanded.

"Chill, Raph. We were just having a little talk," he said, walking away. Raph growled at his back, then turned to me.

"You okay, Mikey?" he asked. He does care about me, otherwise he wouldn't be asking. But Donnie… was it true? I would have to ask later, we were starting to run late.

"I'm fine. Come on, let's catch up with Leo. Race you!" I said, laughing as I sped past him.

I remember all this in an instant. I have to ask Leo after this.

"Michelangelo Hamato, please present your dish," April says and I lift the tray, passing them bowls and a fork along with their drink. Then I set the bowl down. "I made you a pizza-pasta salad. The sauce is made of marinara, mozzarella cheese, olive oil, onion, pepperoni, green peppers, red pepper flakes, and italian seasoning. The drink is a basil lemonade." I smile at them, watching as they serve themselves the pasta. The female judges' eyes widen at her first bite and she quickly takes another.

"Michelangelo, you are one of the best chefs here today," the male judge says and my heart sings with joy. I can't believe it. "Thank you for the amazing meals." I bow my head to them, going back to my seat as the dishes are cleared away.

"Clark Marvin, please bring your dish forward," April says. Leo grins at me and a huge smile breaks across my face. I can't believe it. I might make it all the way.

* * *

 _So this is easily the longest chapter and my favorite I've written for this story so far. I hope you guys are all okay with the title change, does it make more sense now? I wanted to tell you I'm going to be taking a break from this website for a little bit to finish all the ongoing stories I have so far. I don't know how long it's going to take, but I promise I will finish this one as soon as possible so you all can enjoy it. Again, so many thanks to all the supportive reviewers, you guys are keeping me going through this. Every time I fall while writing this, you guys are picking me up so I just want to thank you so much for that. All of your kind words have given my self-confidence a huge boost because it was non-existent when I first started posting, and it's only been a month and I feel so much more comfortable sharing my writing with you. GomperEatsAll, your suggestion was used, if it wasn't clear the rumor is on Raph and it's that he doesn't care about his brothers. Now, can someone get me a memory erasing machine for Mikey? Hopefully I'll see you all again soon._


	5. Chapter 5

_Hey guys! I've got a new chapter for you... it's kind of short, but I think it has kind of a big meaning and hopefully an impact on others. I hope you enjoy this and I want to thank GomperEatsAll and Cinnabunnies5123, your reviews last night actually made me cry. Thank you to Althea Sirius for your continued support._

* * *

RAPH'S P.O.V.

Donnie has this dumb smile on his face as he steps away from the stage, phone in hand. "Dude, were you filming her?" I ask.

"Raph, you saw her wrists, right?" Donnie says seriously.

"No, what about them?"

"She used to cut," he says. "I want to stop. I don't want to feel like I have to do this anymore."

I put a hand on his shoulder. "You never had to."

He turns to me. "Can I go see if I can talk to her?"

I nod. "Why not?" I get to work posting Donnie's thing on Facebook, tagging him in it and captioning the video with, _I'm kind of starting to wish I knew what this was about… so proud of Donnie._ I then scroll through the comments on Donnie's page.

 _Waste of a human being._

 _Do the world a favor and kill youself._

 _Are you even related to your brothers? They are something. You are nothing._

 _Even your brothers aren't your friends…_

I growl. I need to do something to stop this, and I need Donnie for that. But I need to say something. I am well aware of the rumors that have started going around school, people telling people that I don't care for my brothers.

 _To everyone out there telling my brother to go and die, you better pray I don't see you on Monday. You really have no idea how often this happens, do you? This is a serious issue. How would you feel if you lost someone to self-harm or suicide? I can't believe that you would go and tell someone to go and do that. And just so you know, my brother is getting better. He will be fine and we aren't going to lose him. To those of you saying the world would be a better place without him, the world would be a better place without you posting comments telling amazing and talented people to go and kill themselves before they even know their potential and what they can do. Self-harm and depression is destroying so many people that you don't even know about. Think about what you're doing, becasue there will be consequences. And I will not hesitate to hand them out._

I click post, hoping this will help at least a little.

DONNIE'S P.O.V.

I track Leaf down, finding her a few stations away from mine. "Hey," I say, smiling a little at her.

"Hi," she says, blushing. She looks so different than she just did a few minutes ago. She now has on a pair of glasses and she has wraps on her wrists, covering the scars. Her eyes are a beautiful bright green, the color of fresh rain on grass.

"I wanted to tell you that you did so amazingly well," I say, seeing the blush in her cheeks get even bigger.

"Thank you. You did really well also. Metalhead, right? Where do you even come up with this stuff?" She smiles at me.

"That's for me to know and you to wonder about," I tease, then turn serious. "Your wrists…"

She nods. "You want to see them?"

"On the count of three?" I ask, holding onto my sleeve.

She nods.

"One."

"Two."

"Three." I pull my sleeve up, showing her the scabs and the butterflies on my arm. She has so many all over, just covering her wrist like a blanket. Butterflies are scattered all over her skin, all connected.

"It's not just you," she says, her voice shaking. "It's never just you."

I nod. "Did you cut anywhere else? I only do- did -my wrists."

"My stomach, my sides, my thighs. They all look the same." She puts the wrappings back on. "Any other reason you came over here?"

"Could we… maybe get to know each other a little better?" I ask.

"I would like that," she says quietly. "I've never shown my scars to anyone before today."

"Contestants, please go to the stage to see your results. The top ten contestants will be able to come back and demonstrate their robot's abilities. In first place, Leaf Jensen!" Next to me, Leaf claps a hand over her mouth, tears pooling in her eyes. She's grinning.

"In second place, Donatello Hamato!" Raph suddenly appears out of nowhere, cuffing me on the shoulder.

"Nice job, Donnie!" he says, grinning from ear to ear. I know I must look the same.

Leaf takes her hand off her mouth and I can see the smile on her face. "I can't believe it," she mutters, grin growing by the second. "I actually made first place."

Raph turns to her. "You're Leaf, right?" She nods, blushing again.

"Hey. I'm Donnie's older brother, Raph. You have a way with words, you know?" he says, unusually happy for him.

"Okay Raph, who put happy pills in your drink?" I ask. Leaf smiled and went to pack up her butterflies.

"No one. I just… took care of some business, so to speak. Come on, let's get Metalhead into the car and head to Mikey's competition," he said. "I heard April's there."

I shrugged. "Okay."

Raph tried to hide his surprise. "What do you mean, okay? I thought you had a crush- oh." He grinned. "Trying it out with Leaf, aren't you?"

"Maybe," I say. "It's high school. I'm not going to get into a relationship right now knowing it could turn around at any minute. But if you're asking if I like Leaf, then yes, I do."

"So how about you ask her to join us? I can get Metalhead packed up and bring him to the car, you ask her," Raph says, heading off. "Good luck, Donnie!"

I sigh, heading back over to Leaf. "Leaf, I was wondering, do you want to come with me and Raph to our little brother's cooking competition? It'll be fun, I promise."

She smiles at me. "Sure. That sounds great, thanks." She puts her container with the butterflies in it into her backpack, carefully putting it on her shoulders. "Which way?"

"Follow me," I say, heading towards the exit. She does and we weave our way through the crowd, and when we get out I feel like I can finally breathe again.

LEO'S P.O.V.

Right before the third round, Raph texts me. _Hey, Leo, Donnie got second place. We'll be there soon, just loading Metalhead in and warning: Donnie's got a new friend._

I smile. It's good that Donnie's branching out, even if it's just with another nerd. Mikey points to the door and I nod, holding up five fingers, telling him they'll be here soon. He nods.

"Welcome to the third round! There are only ten contestants left and five of them will be moving on to the baking round that will be held here tomorrow. Best of luck to you all, your time starts… now!"

I watch Mikey spring into action, running into the pantry and emerging with a packet of chicken breast, broccoli, white cheddar cheese, and shell pasta, along with butter, milk, and I think those are spices, but I'm not sure.

The door opens and Raph comes in, scanning the room for me. I wave, catching his attention, and he makes his way over to us. Donnie follows, a smaller girl right behind him.

"Hey, Leo!" Raph says, a grin still on his face.

"Hi Raph. Congrats, Donnie!" I say, grabbing him in a quick hug. "Who's your friend?"

"Leo, this is Leaf. She got first place," Donnie said, smiling at her. She gave me a shy wave, nervously tucking her short strawberry-blond hair behind her ear. Her arms are wrapped and hidden.

"Hi, Leo. It's nice to meet you," she says quietly.

"Good to meet you too. So what kind of robot did you have? You must be great to be able to beat Donnie," I say, watching her blush. She really is an introvert.

"Butterflies," she says simply and I leave it at that. I know Donnie is going to fill me in on it later.

"Oh, Donnie, Raph, I have big news. Karai asked me out," I say.

Raph laughs. "Yeah, right, Fearless."

"I'm serious! Ask Mikey!" I say, turning back to the stage. Mikey has chopped up the chicken and is now cooking it in a pan while boiling water for the pasta and making a sauce.

"How's he been doing?" Donnie asked.

"Steady second place," I told him, not taking my eyes off of my youngest sibling. He's adding whatever into the sauce, stirring it and then grinning at all of us.

I smile back, then glance at the clock. A little over forty-five minutes left.

Donnie watches him, my tallest brother's demeanor completely changed from this morning. He went from just being hopeless and sad to now smiling and holding Leaf's hand. Wait… what?

"Hey, Don, can I talk to you for a minute?" I asked, pulling him aside.

"Sure, Leo," he replies, following me to a quiet corner of the room. "What's up?"

"Who's the girl? I know she was at your competition, but why is she here?" I ask.

"Leaf? She had the most amazing performance today," he said. "Plus, you saw her wrappings, right?" I nod, unsure of where this was going. "She used to cut. A lot. Her wrists and arms are covered with scars. And I realized that I don't want to be like that. I want to stop." He smiles at me. "And I'm going to. I want Mikey to draw his butterfly after this."

"You can't tell him!" I say.

"He deserves to know," Donnie says plainly. "I know you hid it, but I don't want to. I want to be able to show what I'm overcoming."

I pause. "Do you like her?"

"Leaf? Yeah, a little bit."

I smile. "So you're over April?"

He nods. "Not that I don't like April, it's just that I can relate more to Leaf. She knows what I'm going through. And she likes coding and making things. Leo, it's like we were made for each other."

"I guess that it's a good time to mention Karai and I are going to the movies on Saturday," I tell him.

"That's great, Leo!" Donnie exclaims, then glances back at the crowd. "We should probably get back." I nod, the both of us weaving back through the crowd.

Donnie takes Leaf's hand again, smiling at her. She really is perfect for him. Two nerds, both defeating an invisible enemy and making things to change the world.

"Time's up!" April announces, and I see Mikey throw his hands up.

"What did he make?" I ask Raph.

"Some kind of mac and cheese dish with broccoli and chicken," Raph whispers, watching Clark as he brings his dish up. The judges don't hesitate to try it.

"Michelangelo Hamato, please present your dish to the judges." Mikey steps up, setting plates in front of the judges with forks.

"What did you make, Michelangelo?" the female judge asks.

"I made a mac and cheese with chicken pieces and broccoli," he says, smiling as the judges take bites.

"This is excellent. Thank you Michelangelo," she says.

We head to the back, waiting with Mikey before the judges make their final decisions. "Hey, Mikey!" Raph says, tousling his hair. "I heard you're in second place, right?"

He nods. "Yep! Don, you also got second place, right?"

"Yeah. Mikey, this is Leaf. She's first place," he says, shoving her forward playfully, to which she blushes and waves hi to Mikey.

"Congrats, dudette! You come here to see me win?" He smirks. "If I can beat Clark, this is going to be the best day ever!"

Leaf smiles a little at him, blushing even harder. "I hope you do."

"Will the ten remaining contestants please step onto the stage?" April asks.

"That's me!" Mikey says, rushing out. The rest of us go back out into the crowd.

"In fifth place, Amy Lee Chang!" A girl with dark skin smiles, nodding to the judges.

"In fourth place, Chelsea Alix!"

"In third place, Trent Goldstein!"

"In second place, Clark Marvin!"

My brothers and I exchange quick glances. Mikey is sunk.

"And last but not least, in first place, Michelangelo Hamato!"

I let out a yelp of excitement, watching Mikey's stunned face, his wide blue eyes and slightly open mouth.

"Congratulations to you five! We will see you tomorrow for the baking round! Please be safe driving home," April says as Mikey barrells over to us.

"Guys! Did you hear? I won!" he says, his eyes gleaming.

"Nice job, Mikey!"

"That's awesome!"

"You did it!"

I grin. "Two of my little brothers winning in the same day!"

"Let's tell Dad!" Mikey says. "Come on, let's go home!"

Raph laughs. "Okay, Mikey. Leo, you want to drive?"

"Sure, why not?" I ask, taking the keys from his hand. "Leaf, you coming?"

"I'll walk home," she says. "But thank you for offering."

Donnie squeezes her hand. "I'll see you later, okay?"

She nods, pressing a paper into Donnie's hand. "You can call me, okay? When you think you need to do it."

He nods, watching her leave.

"Let's go," he says.

Mikey swallows. "D, before we leave… are you cutting?"

MIKEY'S P.O.V.

Donnie doesn't freeze like I expected him to. Instead, he gives me a sad smile. "No, Mikey, I'm not cutting." Not the answer I expected. "I used to cut." He pulls out an orange marker and holds out his wrist, where I can see the marks that he carved into himself.

Without direction, I pick it up and draw a butterfly on him. It joins the others, Leo's and Raph's and a green one that must have been from Leaf.

He tugs his sleeve back down.

"Let's go home." Leo nods and we walk out, four strong, a family that will never give up.

The car ride home is filled with conversations about all of us, Donnie and Leaf, Leo's date, my win, and the rumor about Raph. These things, they can seem so little, but they can have such a big impact on others.

All it takes is one word. One word to ruin someone's life. One word to bring people back. One word to destroy the way someone thinks about themselves. One word to help them save themselves. People don't realize the power they have over others.

It only takes one word.

"Dad!" I yell as soon as we walk in the door. "DAD!"

"What is it, my sons?" he asks, looking a little worried.

"I won! And Donnie came in second! And Leo has a da-" Raph claps his hand over my mouth.

"You know, Mikey, you didn't win yet," Raph points out.

"Go rain on your own party, Raph," I say, scowling for a moment, then struggling to get out.

"Congratulations, my sons," Dad says, putting a hand on my shoulder. "I am very proud of both of you. Donatello, who came in first?"

"A girl named Leaf. We talked a little," Donnie says, acting like it's no big deal.

"What did she make?" Dad asks. I manage to get my hand under Raph's arm.

"Robot butterflies," Donnie answers simply, and Dad nods, turning to Leo.

"What was Michelangelo about to say, Leonardo?" Dad asks.

"Nothing, Father," Leo says, blushing.

I finally break free of Raph's hold. "He has a date with Karai on Saturday!"

"Mikey!" Leo yells, turning beet red in embarrassment.

"Leonardo?" Dad asks.

"Uh, yeah, Father. Karai and I are going to a movie on Saturday," Leo told him.

"I hope you have a good time," he said, smiling.

"Can I go upstairs?" Donnie asked, catching the look Leo gave him. "Leo, I'm fine. You can come with me if you want to check." He rolled his eyes.

"Of course, my son. Please be down in thirty minutes for dinner." Donnie nodded, going upstairs and typing something into his phone.

"Dad… can I help you cook?" I ask.

"Even after your competition? If you're okay with it, then of course. What would you like to make?" I thought about it for a minute.

"How about we make… something?" I say, kind of at a loss. "Oh! Let's make hamburgers!"

Dad chuckles a little. "Sure, Michelangelo." He starts warming up the pan while I get the beef ready, kneading and shaping it into patties.

"Dad? What happened to my punching bag?" Raph asks from upstairs.

"It is in the dojo, my son. Did you finish your homework?"

"...Yes?"

"Once you finish, you may go to the dojo. But not before." I can hear Raph grumbling.

I smile. "I'm going to see who wants cheese," I say, and walk up the stairs. Leo's doing his homework in his room, to which the door is slightly open, and I can hear Donnie talking to someone.

"Leo, bro, you want cheese on your burger?" I ask.

He looks up. "Sure, Mikey. Thanks."

"No problem! Hey, Don!" I walk down the hall to his room. He's working on some crazy math problems I don't understand with his phone pressed to his ear, writing something and talking to the person on the other end of the phone.

"Give me a second. Yeah, Mikey?" Donnie turns towards me.

"Do you want cheese on your burger?"

"No thanks, Mikey. Do you have homework?"

"Yeah, but it's fine."

"Want me to help you with English later?"

"Sure. Thanks, D." I smile, exiting the room and realize something.

His sleeves are rolled up.

* * *

 _So, what do you think? I'm thinking one more chapter and then an epilogue for this. I hope you all like this story and understand the meaning behind it. I'm hoping to at least try to help people struggling with self-harm, to reach them in some way through this story._


	6. Chapter 6

_I'm so sorry for not updating, my neglect of homework has caught up to me. This is the last chapter of my story and it's not exactly in chronological order because I had to keep with the POV order, so I apologize for that. I know I keep saying this, but your support means so much to me that I can't even tell you. I used to never share my writing before this, and even then I was so scared of showing people. Your kind reviews have given me the confidence to even tell a few people at my school about this, so if you go to my school and you're reading this, you know who I am, I know who you are, and feel free to come up to me and tell me you read this and if it affected you at all. Just don't give me a lot of compliments, I really hate drawing attention to myself and you probably know this. Anyway, I'm shocked at the attention this story has been getting. I reached 500 views and I have 20 reviews on this story, which for me is huge! I've only been here for a month. So thank you so much to everybody who reads my stories, I am honored that you are taking time to find this and read it. Oh, and SPOILER ALERT: if you haven't seen Spider-Man Into The Spider-Verse, there will mentions of the movie in Leo and Mikey's POVs, and I do not own any part of the movie. Sorry this is so long. You came here to read._

* * *

RAPH'S P.O.V.

"I can't believe they only have forty-five minutes to make the dish," I say to Leo.

"At least they have an hour and a half cooling time. Mikey better have something good planned," he comments, looking on as Mikey grabs some random items from a shelf, or at least it looks random to me, and starts cutting up the butter, over and over again, into the flour. Then he spreads that onto a sheet and puts it in the oven. The look of total concentration on his face almost makes me want to laugh, Mikey is never serious.

"What's he making?" I mutter.

Donnie pipes up. "Looks like some kind of lemon tart, based on the ingredients."

I stare at what he has. "I guess?" I say, uncertain. I hate cooking and have practically no idea what to do, so this, a freaking contest, is lost on me.

Leo is busy filming Mikey on his phone, probably for Facebook or something. He's looking around the screen though, trying to see our youngest brother in real life.

"Hey, Donnie, I thought Leaf was coming?" I asked.

"She's working on her butterfly code, as well as her homework. She's been neglecting it because of the competition. Plus, she says she already knows everything."

"Sounds like someone I know."

"She goes to a private school, Raph."

I blink. "Well then, that changes everything."

Donnie smirks. "You think?"

"Guys, shush!" Leo scolds. "There's only twenty minutes left."

Mikey was spreading something that looked like whipped cream onto the crust, but it was thicker. "Does anyone know what he's actually making?"

Leo grins. "I don't know if even Mikey knows what he's doing."

"He's making some kind of lemon pudding bar," Donnie says.

"How would you know?"

Donnie shrugs. "He was brainstorming last night and said something about this. I didn't realize he was making it until just now."

"Observant much?" Leo turns around and grins, keeping the phone pointed at Mikey.

"Hey, Karai," he says.

"So, Mikey made it all the way to the last round?" she questioned.

"Yep," Leo says. "Imagine if Shinigami did too."

The witch in question, suddenly at Karai's side, smiles. "Let's just say it would be… interesting. Tell your brother I say hi." With that, she disappears.

"Fifteen minutes left," Donnie reports, glancing at Mikey. "That water better be boiling." Sure enough, Mikey stirs in what I can now recognize as lemon juice and… other stuff. He also adds eggs. Then, he mixes it all together, spreads it over the first whipped layer, and then adds another one of the remaining whipped cream-thing.

"It looks really good. How come Mikey never makes stuff like this for us?" I ask.

"Probably because we would always be asking him for it," Leo says. Karai laughs.

Mikey waves at us, putting the thing in the fridge with two minutes left. And we wait for the buzzer to go off so we can talk to him.

We wait.

And wait.

And wait.

Two minutes never took so long.

Finally, the buzzer goes off and one of the kids almost drops their dish, so startled by the noise. I think it's Chelsea, but I'm not one hundred percent sure.

"Hands up! Please put your desserts in either the fridge or freezer to cool, you will have an hour to be with your family, your friends, talk to others, do what you want, but if you are a contestant, you may not leave the building. Best of luck to everyone!"

Mikey steps off the stage, heading over to us. "Bros, you have no idea how nervous I am right now. Well, Donnie might. But still!" He bounces on his toes.

Leo holds a hand out. "Cool it, Mikey. You got this far. I mean, you're getting in the top five, right?" He grins.

"Leo, that's probably one of the dumbest things I've ever heard you say," I tell him.

"What are you even making?" Karai asks.

"It's like a lemon bar, but it has a whipped cream-like thing in the middle." He shrugs. "I hope the judges like it."

"I'm sure they will," Donnie says, smiling. He has a regular T-shirt on today, exposing the marks and the butterflies. All of us have added one, except for Dad, because Donnie hasn't told him yet. Leo also has one on his wrist from Donnie, though I don't know why. Donnie's also drawn one, as has Leaf and now Karai, uncapping a Sharpie.

"You need this to stay on for a long time, right?" she says, smirking. I grin.

The rumors about me not caring for my brothers haven't gone away, but I couldn't care less. Who decided they were me?

Donnie hasn't cut at all yesterday or today, which doesn't seem like much, but it is. Coming from someone who used to cut every single day, sometimes multiple times.

Leo keeps looking at Karai, grinning like an idiot all the time. I expected that, but even Donnie wasn't this loopy over April. Though he is talking to Leaf a lot…

Mikey chats animatedly to the rest of us about some pretty random things, and then we kind of run out of things to say. But one thing Mikey says sticks in my mind.

"It's not just you, you know? You're never alone in how you feel."

It's not just you. There are others going through the same thing.

Compared to the two minutes from earlier, the hour passes at double speed. Soon, Mikey is back up on the stage, presenting his dessert to the judges. Then they're announcing the winners.

"In fifth place, Trent Goldstein!" A cheer comes from the crowd, clapping for the kid.

"In fourth place, Amy Lee Chang!" A whistle from one side of the room.

"In third place, Clark Marvin!" A groan of disappointment from some, but mostly clapping. My brothers all exchange grins, knowing Mikey beat him.

"In second place… Chelsea Alix!" Leo's eyes are so wide and Donnie has a mile-wide grin on his face.

"And out first place winner, Michelangelo Hamato!" Me, Leo, Donnie, and Karai all cheer as loud as we can, catching the stunned disbelief on his face.

He is rewarded with a trophy shaped like a knife in a woodblock, but we all know the sense of accomplishment is a far greater reward than any other.

DONNIE'S P.O.V.

It's been six days since Mikey's cooking competition. My robotics tournament is today. Metalhead has a few new and increasingly complex katas I made. We've all mastered another, Leo moving on to the next one. He was slightly annoyed that I was able to program Metalhead to do it perfectly before he mastered it, but it was a robot.

I scan the crowd, looking for Leaf and her short strawberry-blonde bob. I can't find her, but I know she will be here. I head to her station, finding her there.

"Leaf!" I call, waving to her. She grins at me, beckoning me over.

"How's it going?" she asks, glancing at my wrists. We both wear short sleeves, showing what we are overcoming.

"It's okay," I say. "I cut once two days ago. You remember I called you?" We've been talking a lot, telling each other if we need to cut and talking about why, which is surprisingly helpful. "How are yours?"

"Better." She called me twice yesterday and once on Friday, two days after Mikey's competition ended. She cut two of the three times.

Cutting isn't something you can just stop overnight. You have to constantly keep fighting it and resisting the urge to cut. It's so much harder than I thought it would be, but I am getting better. I am stopping this.

"Contestants, please head to the center stage," the host says. I head back to my station, seeing my brothers, and smile at them.

"You ready, D?" Mikey asks, grinning. "I predict that you're going to win."

Raph laughs. "Come on, Donnie, let's get you over there." I take the cart with me, rolling Metalhead over.

"Why did I make this so big?" I mutter. Leo grins.

"You wishing you had made butterflies?" he asks. He's still on top of the world from his date with Karai.

"Kind of," I say, bringing the cart to a stop at the ramp. Leaf is already there, just waiting with her butterflies.

"You ready?" she asks, heading backstage. I push the cart again, trying to speak with her around my robot.

"Not at all," I say. "I did some last-minute testing at two in the morning, and I think he works but I'm not so sure…"

She grins. "I'm sure it will be fine."

"If you say so. You have anything special planned?"

"You'll have to wait and see."

I groan. "Are you ever going to stop being so cryptic?"

"Not if I can help it." She giggles.

"First up, Donatello Hamato!"

"Good luck," she says.

"I'll need it," I respond, giving her one more smile before stepping out and facing the crowd.

"Hello! You all remember Metalhead, right?" I ask. The crowd gives murmurs of assent. "He's been working on his katas, and he has a few new one to show you." With that, I push the button.

Metalhead instantly starts kicking at the air, and I block his strikes with my arms, having programmed him not to strike too hard. We go back and forth, blocking and striking and dodging, giving the audience a show they won't forget. A kid sparring with a robot… hopefully that's something new.

We go for a few minutes until Metalhead catches my wrist, just as planned, and then we hold hands and give a slight bow.

"That is certainly something that I've never seen before!" one of the judges exclaims. "Excellent coding! Would you let me take a look at it?"

"Sure," I say, taking my computer to them. He whistles, peering at the dense blocks of variables, functions, and functions in functions.

"This is incredible for one so young," the female judge says.

"Thank you," I say, rocking back on my heels.

"I don't think there are any more words to describe this. Thank you, Donatello. Next up, Allison Ward!"

A girl came up to the stage, I think she was the one who had the… thing. I wasn't paying much attention to the other contestants, but if she got into the top ten, it must be good.

I wait for a while with Leaf in the back. She's tense with nervousness, her hands clutching the container and knuckles white. "Hey," I say, placing a hand on her trembling shoulder. "You're okay."

She looks up at me. "I can't do this."

"No, Leaf. You're brilliant."

She looks at me, tears in her eyes. "No, the butterflies are fine. It's my story."

"You're telling everyone?"

"I'm planning to."

I bring her into a hug. "You can do it. Leaf, you're one of the strongest people I know."

She leans into me a little. "You think so?"

"I don't think so." She freezes. "I know so."

She smiles. "Thank you, Donnie."

Allison comes back in and looks at us. "You both did really great in the prelims. And Donnie, great job out there today."

"Thank you," Leaf says quietly.

"Thank you. You did great also," I say, just to be polite.

Fifteen long minutes pass. Then, over the speaker, we hear, "And last, we have Leaf Jensen!"

She gives me a shaky smile and walks out. I head to the crowd to film her. There is a microphone out now, just for her. But she has to adjust it to her height.

"Um… hello," she whispers into it. "I'm Leaf. And you remember my butterflies, right?" The crowd cheers. "There's a story that goes with them." The crowd quiets.

"I used to cut," she says bluntly. "I know you've been wondering why I have all of these butterflies on my wrists, and they are here to help me stop." She closes her eyes. "If you have cut, even just once, hold out your arm and raise it in the air." I raise mine up high.

Then there was a kaleidoscope of butterflies in the air, all different colors, one landing on my wrist. Everyone with their arm up has one.

"Has anyone heard of The Butterfly Project?" A few murmurs of acknowledgement. "It's helping people who self-harm, mostly with cutting. The rules are that whenever you feel the need to cut, you draw a butterfly in the area. Some people choose to add a semicolon. You name the butterfly after a loved one or someone who wants you to get better. No scrubbing the butterfly off. If you cut before the butterfly is gone, then it dies. More than one butterfly, they all die. If someone else draws a butterfly on you, then those butterflies are special. You have to keep them all alive. Know that we care. I care. I know what it's like to cut, to feel the need, to have the addiction. I know what it's like." She pauses, scrubbing at her eyes for a second. "So many people who cut have different reasons. But most of us all can tie it into something that we have in common- we don't cut because we want to die or to kill ourselves. We're cutting because we fight so hard to stay alive. We don't want to die, we want the pain to go away." Her chest presses in a sob. "I've been cutting since I was eleven. I would cut every single day, at night, always on my wrists. But my mom found out and told me to stop. So I did… on my wrists. I went on my thighs and sides instead, and my mom would check my wrists. Not my thighs. But she got a new job, and I started again." The butterfly crawls along my forearm, it's abdomen pressed against it, and I see black fluid coming out. "If you look at my wrists, you can see the mess that I put myself into. Same with my torso and legs. But there was only one thing that saved me from myself.

"The Butterfly Project.

"I said it before and it really does help. It turned my whole life around and gave me it back. And I cannot thank the creators enough. I want every single person to know that you aren't alone. There are so many others struggling with the same thing. It's okay to not be okay. It's not just you." She repeats the words she told me a week ago. "Thank you." The butterfly lifts from my arm, leaving over the scars her semicolon quote from her first performance. 'A semicolon represents a sentence that the author could have ended. That author is you, and that sentence is your life.' I know that it's partly metaphorical, the part with ending your life. It means losing yourself to this, who you are.

Then the rest of the butterflies all begin to fly in the air, weaving in and out of each other, forming one word over everyone's heads.

Hope.

With that, the butterflies leave and trail after Leaf like a cape.

I rush to the back. "That was incredible," I tell her, squeezing her wrist. She grins at me.

"I can't believe I actually told everyone there," she whispers.

"You're going to win," I say.

"I don't want to win," she says, looking down. "I want to tell people that they can stop."

"You are. And one day you'll be speaking to thousands of people, with your butterflies, telling them that they aren't alone." I hug her. "Come on, it's final stage."

We line up behind everyone else. The announcer is making the final comments, the judges' scores are being tallied up, and Leaf is shaking like… well, a leaf.

"You're okay," I tell her, grabbing her hand. "Come on."

She clings to it, her palm warm and soft. I'm holding hands with a girl.

"In tenth place, Ricardo Rames!"

"In ninth place, Ava Wolseley!"

"In eighth place, James Condre!"

"In seventh place, Allison Ward!"

"In sixth place, Nico Fumple!"

"In fifth place, Aaron Conks!"

"In fourth place, Liam Peale!"

"In third place, Donatello Hamato!" I step onto the stage, seeing my brothers in the front row, Mikey actually perched on Raph's shoulders and cheering.

"In second place, Kendricks David!"

"In first place, Leaf Jensen!"

She walks out, shocked, looking almost scared of everyone looking at her. "Congratulations to you all!"

Leaf blinks, hard. "Did that really just happen?"

Mikey runs up. "It sure did, dudette! Awesome job, Donnie!"

But I can only focus on Leaf, the one person who really understands me. She is crying now, tears streaming down her stunned face. I only have one thing to say.

"I love you."

LEO'S P.O.V.

I put on a blue T-shirt and a pair of jeans, frowning at the way they match, putting on a dark blue one on instead. I smile.

Karai's going to be here in half an hour, insisting that she come over to my house as opposed to the other way around. Raph is teasing me nonstop, Mikey's still on cloud nine from his cooking competition, and Donnie spends a lot of time in the basement, getting ready for his robotics competition.

My phone buzzes. Karai. _You ready to know what movie we're watching?_

I grin. She hasn't told me yet. _What do you think?_

 _I think you don't want to know and that you want it to be a surprise._

 _No. You're wrong. Very incorrect._

 _I get it. I can feel her smile from the other side of the phone. We're seeing the new Spider-Man movie. You know, the Into The Spider-Verse?_

 _Yeah. Mikey's going to be so jealous._

 _See you in twenty. 3_

My smile grows wider. Then Mikey yells out my name.

"LEO!"

I quickly run down the stairs. "What is it, Mikey?" I've long since learned that when Mikey yells out for any of us, it's usually not that serious.

"Raph's gone!"

I sigh. "He went on a walk, remember?"

"No! He didn't say anything!" Mikey comes down the hall.

"Well, he'll be back soon. Want to know what movie I'm seeing with Karai?" I ask, changing the subject.

Mikey's baby blue eyes light up. "What is it?"

"Spider-Man Into The Spider-Verse." Mikey's jaw drops open.

"Not fair! I want to see it!" he cries. "Please will you take me, please please please please please?"

"Maybe another time," I say. He pouts a little.

"Fine," he whines, going back to the kitchen. "You're missing out on fajitas."

I roll my eyes, taking out my book. I have to finish it over this weekend. But I can't focus on it. I'm too excited over Karai. My first date. I shoot up. A date. I've never really actually said it so casually, even just in my head.

The doorbell rings and I open it, only seeing Raph.

"I forgot my key," he grumbles, going upstairs.

I play some card game with Mikey for a little bit, until finally the doorbell rings and I open it to see Karai.

"Hey," she says, leaning on the doorframe. She has on black leggings and a short-sleeved black T-shirt.

"Hi," I say, blushing only a little. "You ready?"

"Yep. Come on," she tells me, dragging me out the door that Raph shuts, smirking.

We walk to the theater, which is only eight blocks away. Karai talks about her father and how he's always nagging her about school. "He wants to know every single detail, every person I see," she says, laughing. "And I'm like, Father, I have school, you know? I need to pay attention to the lessons."

I smile as well. "You have any idea why?"

"Nope! He's apparently looking for an old friend, but I don't know." She shrugs. "Come on, let's stop over here. Movie candy is so overpriced." I let her drag me in, enjoying the rough pull of her calloused hands on mine.

"What kind of candy are you into?" I ask her, taking a package of Sno Caps.

She picks up a bag of Skittles. "Anything fruity."

I laugh. "I'm the complete opposite. I love chocolate."

We go to the counter to pay, and Karai reaches into her pocket and pulls out a ten-dollar bill. "You don't have to pay," I tell her.

She shrugs. "I don't mind." The cashier rings us up and hands me the bag, both of us walking out together and taking the last few blocks to the movie theater. On the way, I can't help but sneak little looks at her. Even though she isn't doing anything new with her hair or anything, it's still in its usual style with the bottom back half dyed blond and her eye makeup is the same, she still seems different. Lighter.

We arrive at the theater, Karai showing the ticket person our tickets and me insisting on paying for the popcorn, a small debate that must take five minutes. The man behind the counter was smiling the whole time, trying to suppress his laughter. We make it into the theater just before the previews end.

The theater darkens and I grin, opening the Sno Caps and settling in next to Karai. Two hours of sitting. I know Raph would never last this long not doing anything, so we always have to pause the movie a few times for him.

Instantly I can appreciate the animation that goes into the movie, right from the opening scene with Miles and the slight 3D effect on his sleeve to the small line bursts when he taps the marker on his neck. This is going to be a great movie.

Karai presses a Skittle into my hand during the movie and I give her a Sno Cap back. She grins at me, teeth flashing in the dark theater. Then she pops it into her mouth and looks back at the screen. The comic book elements that go into the movie, combined with the animation, make it hard to look away.

Karai gasps next to me when Peter Parker dies on-screen. "I didn't think they would actually do it," I whisper. She nods.

We sit there, watching the movie, but I can't focus on it the whole time due to Karai next to me. She's completely focused on the movie, just watching, and she doesn't notice me sneaking glances at her from time to time. I can't help it. She was just so… different. Even though she seemed normal, there was something about her.

She suddenly looks over at me. "What are you doing?" she hisses.

"Nothing! Just watching the movie!" I whisper-hiss back.

She rolls her eyes, turning back to the screen. Now I actually try to focus on the movie, seeing them sneak into the complex and Miles getting stuck on the ceiling. It's a little bit of how I feel, stuck somewhere away from Karai and not get closer to her when I want to. I really like her. She's nice, fun, smart, confident, and really awesome to be around.

She laughs lightly when Miles throws the bagel at the scientist and the little text comes up, then again when the other Spider-Man says, 'Everyone knows the best way to learn is under intense, life-threatening pressure!'

When the movie is over, we walk out of the theater, talking about our favorite parts. "I mean, you have to really appreciate the detail," Karai says. "Especially with the glass when he jumps? That was one of the best scenes in the whole movie. And when he's going across town, you know, with the comic book flashes? Great." She sighs, turning to me with the biggest smile. "I really had fun with you, Leo. I'll see you at school on Monday." With that, she turns the corner and disappears.

Raph teases me as soon as I get back. "How was it, Fearless? Did she kiss you?"

"Nope. See you in the morning, Raph," I say, going into my room and thinking about her. Her smile. Her laugh. Her determination.

Her secrets.

MIKEY'S P.O.V.

After the competition, Donnie has stopped shutting himself in the basement as much. He's been hanging out with us more, wearing short sleeves, and just seems happier. He and Leo- Leo! -went up to Dad the day after and talked with him. Leo told us that he used to cut too. I wasn't expecting Leo of all people, but he's done with it.

Leo's talking to Karai a lot, and I mean a lot. Sometimes Donnie has to tell him to get his homework done, or how is he going to get into college, because Leo has to think about that. I have no idea what happened on their date, but Leo took us all to see the movie and spent the whole time smiling, even during the sad parts, like when Uncle Aaron dies.

Raph also hangs out with us more and is more social at school, as opposed to just glaring or yelling at anyone who even looks at Donnie for too long, he gives them a warning. Like, he pulls them aside and puts a fist in their face. So maybe he's not less violent.

Donnie is kind of on top of the world. He hangs out with Leaf a lot and brought her over for dinner the other night, which was interesting. Dad let me make pizza gyoza for dinner and Leaf really liked it. She even asked to take some home since I ended up making a lot of extra.

As for me? A lot more people at school are saying hi in the halls, like, the last ten people who don't already. Some kids have even asked me to do something for when they have a party and invite me to them, but I usually politely decline. I would rather be with my brothers.

Life is good! We're all happy, healthy, doing whatever, drawing, making robots, beating up a punching bag, meditating. We all have good grades, I'm rocking an A+ in art and drawing tons of butterflies on Donnie's wrists. Right now, I'm covering the scars, tha pale marks in his skin, with ink.

"Thanks, Mikey," he says.

"No problem, D," I say offhandedly, trying to hide the worry that fills me every time the butterflies fade. Why did Donnie do this? Why did he do this to himself?

Raph comes in with his new friend Casey from outside, both of them chatting and laughing as Raph shoves him. Leo puts his phone down and turns back to his homework, probably from texting Karai.

I smile. We're okay. We're all okay.

* * *

 _I can't believe I actually finished this and it's... good-ish... if I can say it's on that level? I want to thank every single reader who has helped me with this story, whether it's from reading this or leaving a review or being with me through this whole thing, I just want to tell you I am so grateful you have chosen to read this story and you all are so amazing. I can't even begin to express what you have done for me. So many thanks to GomperEatsAll and Cinnabunnie5123, you guys are the main readers who have kept me on this with your wonderful reviews and I can't tell you how much your support means to me. I have just started on this website and can't belive the kind words you have given me. Thank you so much for that. Please keep an eye out for the small sequels to this, each from one of their POVs. Please share this story if you want to, I'm not forcing you to do anything, but I want to spread the message._

 _It's not just you. There are other people dealing with this, depression, self-harm, hating themselves and if you know someone bettling this, show them that you are there for them. Tell them you can help. If you are dealing with this, you aren't alone. There are things to help you, the Butterfly Project and Project Semicolon._

 _You are not alone._

 _Spread the word._


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